By Katherine Brown*
1. Excitement - when you go to your mailbox thinking that your subscription to Reader's Digest has finally arrived.
2. Confusion - when you think the mailman made a mistake by putting what must be someone else's latest edition of Maxim in your mailbox.
3. Horror - when you look at the little white box on the bottom of the cover only to see YOUR OWN NAME.
4. Relief - when you realize how much more awkward it would have been if your roommate had been the one to find the Maxim with your name on it.
5. Frustration - when the Maxim website won't disclose the phone number for customer service unless you create a Maxim online account.
6. Embarrassment - when you almost create a Maxim online account.
7. More embarrassment - when you decide to actually open the magazine and flip passed all the cigar ads, etc., in search of the telephone number for customer service.
8. Pride - when you find the number in tiny print at the very back of the magazine.
9. Irritation - when you have to navigate the automated phone system at Maxim.
10. Anger - when you explain to the customer service rep that you have no use for the magazine, have no idea why it appeared at your house and still want Reader's Digest only for her to tell you that she can cancel your subscription (no refunds), but you'll probably still get one more issue before the cancellation goes through.
11. Satisfaction - when you throw the Maxim away.
*Katherine is a twenty-something schoolteacher, former Southern small town girl, and prefers to read Reader's Digest in the doctor's office.