Laying in bed, SnapChatting with friends, my phone buzzes. Attractive Girl has messaged me on OkCupid: “You were right about that Instagram account.”
Three weeks before: I’m chatting with some dark mysterious girl on OkCupid. She mentions she was at “that light show and saw that exhibit, too.”
Me: “…How did you know I was there?”
Her: “Your picture.”
I tried to clarify how she was seeing said picture, but she didn't elaborate, and I didn't want to come across as Frantic, Paranoid Suitor, so I dropped it and forgot about it. Until now.
Back to the present: I click to my profile. Under the “I’m Really Good At” heading, I wrote – and I quote – “I maintain a very artsy Instagram account.”
The world spins in on me. I bury myself deeper into my bed and retract my neck into my quarter-zip. I AM SO EMBARRASSED. There is no denying it; my Instagram is somehow linked to my OkCupid profile. BUT HOW?!
Again, I refuse to play Frantic, Paranoid Suitor, so I don’t ask Attractive Girl. Instead I type in all caps to my friends and make a SnapChat video of my horror while simultaneously Googling “how to unlink Instagram from OkCupid”:
“IDK HOW TO STOP IT”
Like, I can’t even see the Instagram feed on the mobile app. And of course my Internet is being slow, so I can’t get on the actual OkCupid website. The whole time my mind is careening through all the Insta’s I take every day – EVERY DAY – I am a multiple poster sorta photographer and how very, very embarrassing this is because I want to have a covert profile – my profile name purposefully doesn't allude to the real me – and what if this blog is linked to OkCupid and I don’t even know it? And how bizarre does it look posting photos of nature to my dating profile? This is almost as bad as Spotify being linked to my Facebook!
And then I’m staring at the beast. Looking at my photo albums on the OkCupid website. I didn't even know I had albums. Why are albums an option?! But one is – *grabs wall to steady self* – my Instagram feed. *collapses to floor*
So while continuing an enticing conversation with Attractive Girl – sparked by my artsy Instagram feed – I delete that album. (And why is it so hard to find the delete button?!)
But hey, maybe this will lead somewhere with Attractive Girl. Maybe we'll take a photo together for Instagram.