Several months ago I was at a pregame. My friend’s new boyfriend showed up and also brought his roommates. Introductions were had, and we went back to playing “Go Fish” with Finding Nemo cards as a drinking game.
I never understand drinking games. In general, you’re supposed to drink when you lose. But the point of drinking games is to drink, so is the goal to lose? Anyway…
Earlier in the day, my friend sent out a link to a Craigslist post that was a note to a guy. The Craigslist author had seen the guy on a probable Tinder date, and she or he noted all the things he had done wrong on the date. The post was quite detailed and provides for entertaining reading. I would link to it, but it's apparently been taken down. Oof.
Part of our discussion was whether the post’s author was male or female (or maybe neither in these non-binary times). There was evidence for both sides. The author had to be male because the post mentions body fat percentages and only fit men know about that. The author had to be female because have you read this diatribe? And these details? Totally female. Because stereotypes are always true.
An argument ensued. The room was split on the author’s gender. And then the best thing happened: we decided to ask the author. Craigslist provides the awesome feature where you can email posters.
My friend and I both took it upon ourselves to email the author and ask. My email read:
Hi, are you a woman or a male? My friends and I have a bet. I'll let you know which we think you are after you respond.
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I’m obviously drunk by this point. When I’m drunk, I like to use my phone. I started taking Snapchats to send to my friends who don’t have the pleasure of being with me. I took a panorama video of the room. I started asking people, “What gender do you think the author is?” I decide to send this video to the author. He has responded by this point that he’s a dude. Insert his own smiley face.
I ask the new boyfriend’s friend what gender he thinks the author is. The friend asks, “Are you filming this?”
Me: “It’s a Snapchat.”
Dude: “Don’t Snapchat me. Please, dude.”
Me: “Okay. But you’re not in it. It’s just the back of your head. See?” I show him.
Dude: “Can you please delete it?”
Me: “Yes.” But you’re not in it. Literally the only part of him in it is a man in a black t-shirt and a ball cap. I think the FBI will find him.
Dude: “Have you taken any other photos of me? Any Snapchats?”
Me: (honestly) “I mean, I took a couple earlier.”
Dude: “Can you delete them? I don’t want my photo out there.”
Internally: What millennial goes to a pregame in 2016 and doesn’t expect Snapchat to be in full use?
Dude: “Why would you take my photo without asking? That’s not cool, man. Please don’t take photos of me.”
By this point his reaction has reached everyone’s attention. Everyone is watching as he asks me why I took photos of him and have I deleted them.
Me: “I deleted them. But you weren’t in them. You were just in the background.”
Dude: “Can I see you’ve deleted them?”
Another friend in the room: “Why can’t you have your photo taken?”
Yes, why? What is this reaction? Are you joining the SEALs?
He ignores her.
I show him my phone. “I have no photos or videos of you.”
Dude: “Thank you. Thank you. Man, it’s not cool.”
Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I’m just a millennial.
Shortly after this we walked to the bar. The dude who doesn’t like having his photo taken hung back behind our group. I worried whether he was calling the CIA to swoop in and kill me.
I haven’t seen this guy since this incident, but he is forevermore referenced in our friend group as “the guy who doesn’t want his photo taken.” And last night he got brought up because my friend is having a cookout and I asked if he was coming. “Maybe I’ll get a selfie with him,” I said.
“Did you even take a photo of him?” my friend asks.
Me: “I mean, I took a video of him. He’s just in the background. And he wanted me to delete it, which I did.”
Friend: “Ah, it would have been funny if you kept it.”
Me: “Actually, I could still get it. It’s in my email archive…”
Friend: “Why is it there?”
Me: “Because I sent the video to that Craigslist author before he got upset. And I didn’t know he’d be upset.” It’s not like I’m the NSA.
Friend: “So a total stranger has a video of him? Hilarious.”
Hilarious. Sorry, dude.
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