As Told Over Brunch

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Can't you just stick to stalking me online?

I make myself pretty noticeable online, starting mainly with the fact that when you google my name, you're not really going to run into many other people with one similar to it. Beyond that, I'm on almost every social networking site and keep a blog about myself. If you want to stalk me online, you basically have a green light. But let's keep it there. Granted, my life is essentially a reoccurring routine, where I go to work at the same time, go to the bathroom every morning at the same time, eat lunch at the same time in the same place, come home from work at the same time, work out at the same place at the same time, come home and eat at the same time, and even watch the same programming. Stalking me in real life is also easy, but a lot less socially acceptable.

Like I was saying, I eat at the same place at the same time everyday, so naturally I see this one girl also on the same schedule. Like good strangers do, we ignore that we sit near each other practically everyday. This one day, a kid came up to hit on me. In broad daylight. Weird. I'm just trying to read and eat, so there's really no signals I'm sending out, except maybe that I'm really antisocial. We chat a bit regardless and he goes away.

The next day he comes back at the same time and sits with me again. Coincidence? I think not. He talks more and asks for my number, things get weird, to make it less weird I give it to him, and then he tried to hug me. Worst. Lunch. Ever. I go back inside to continue with my routine sans the awkward hugger.

Then the next day comes, and I'm following my same routine (one that I very much enjoy if I might add). I get a text that says, "just got to our lunch spot."

UMMMM WHAT?!

That's not "ours". It's mine. It's been mind since May. I also don't like that I am so predictable that he already figured out my routine within two days. Can't he stalk me online like normal people do these days? Why does he have to actually stalk me? I just want to enjoy my bread and peanut butter without someone watching me try to chew down a really dry and sticky lunch without water.

So naturally I stay in my office until I am assured he won't be there and then go to lunch. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I can't reclaim my sacred lunch spot. Maybe he will stalk me like were in 2013 and he'll see this post. Or maybe I can tell him I don't like him inviting himself into my routine, but that just doesn't seem passive aggressive enough.