Today let us forget the saying that there are two types of people, those that categorize people into two types and those that don’t, and let’s consider the dichotomy of young newlyweds versus stickin’-it-out singles.
everal things have me thinking on this topic including reading a Katharine Hepburn biography (where have all our steadfastly single icons gone?) and I’m fast departing my early, “carefree” 20s (I don’t know what is carefree about taxes, IRAs, and 6 AM alarms). Also, my dad has asked me in the past year when he can expect grandchildren.
oint of information: I haven’t been in a relationship since seventh grade.
dditionally, my friend (who’s currently in a 3-year relationship) attended an engagement party over the weekend for our similarly aged friend (23) that made her “question a lot of things. Like, do I want to get married? Is this something I should be thinking about? …But then I watch the Beyoncé and Beyoncé husband’s show on HBO, and all those thoughts are negated.”
applaud these questions. I am sick of logging onto Facebook to be besieged by engagement photos and babies with names that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (Dennis? Really?). In a decade, will I be inundated with divorce announcements?
n fact, another friend recently was approached by her mom’s 50-something friend. “Are you still with that boy?” the woman asked. My friend said they had ended things. “Good. All my friends who married young, half of them were divorced by 30.”
on’t get me wrong, I am not against marriage. I am just not a fan of marrying before you have a gray hair on your head (crow’s feet don’t count) – or even a job. I acknowledge it’s a personal choice – like what flavor froyo you want – but that doesn’t mean I’m not rolling my eyes – like when you order vanilla when salted caramel is available.
YOU HAVE SO MUCH LIFE LEFT. Why are you doing this to yourself?
arrying young may sound exciting – someone to share cleaning the bathroom with – but fresh out of college, do you really know yourself? What if you hate your first job and want to move cross-country? Or out of the country? Or don’t have a job? Or your spouse decides any of those things?
’m not even saying don’t stay together. Really, you should – to see if you can endure those things, because if you can’t, how are you going to endure fertility issues? Or retirement when you have no respite from one another until you die?! I’m just saying, why are you putting a shackle on your finger?
ersonally, I want to join the Peace Corps after grad school – and I don’t plan on taking a partner abroad with me, because that just doesn’t seem as romantic as a wanderlust single finding himself on the savannahs of Africa or the Great Wall of China. All that puts me at 28 or 29. (When I tell potential love interests this, I can’t decide who’s running away – me or them.)
he way I see it, choosing your life partner is like a buffet. Do you get the first dish you see, or do you wait for the ones that may be further down the line? Keep in mind that in most cases you can return to the first dishes – though not if someone eats them up first.
nd yes, this equation changes when you factor in kids (do you want a doggie bag?) – but ask then, Are you marrying for the runts, I mean children, or are you marrying for love? You must build the nest before you can lay the egg.
may be (reaffirmed) on this kick because of the aforementioned Katharine Hepburn biography, but ol’ Kate had it right when she said, “I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.” So just be single. *peace hand emoji*