All month I have been receiving texts from friends asking for my address. You think you're being so subtle. Why oh why do you need my address? At this point I don't even ask; an inevitable Christmas card is on its way.
I want to say, Stop; don't send it. The text asking for my address was enough effort. No need to pay whatever cents to send me a holiday note. But that would make me Scrooge.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around why we send cards. I actually enjoy the life update ones aka the bulleted lists of "my son is saving the refugees in Africa, my daughter is getting her MD and engaged to a senator's son, and we just rescued a puppy mill golden retriever." Admittedly we're all eye rolling at the Joneses' mass-printed "Our grass is greener" digest, but at least I'm learning something other than "Does this friend avoid saying 'Merry Christmas'? Oh, and cute stamp."
When I receive the card - besides the brief reflection that this is adulthood, because someone sent me a piece of paper in the mail and no one's ever done that before - I immediately add to my to do list "Send so-and-so a card." Or I used to. This year I said the hell with that. Because let's be honest, I was only sending cards in return, never initiating, so it wasn't very genuine, so I'm cutting the frills this year. Don't delude yourself that I actually sent my card before I knew yours was coming.
And once I've read your card - maybe even laughed at the Dollar Store-quality joke inside (am I the only one who buys Dollar Tree cards?) - what do I do with it? Humans, this is what's killing the rain forest.
I toss your card if the only penmanship besides the pre-written greeting is your name, but if you transcribed a note, I feel inclined to keep it. Yet, I don't know when I'm ever going to feel moved to reminisce on my Christmas card collection. Maybe once global warming has killed Christmas? Though maybe it's the reverse, as I hinted above. The trees y'all.
Okay, I should stop bandwagoning on the environment to further this argument. Just, really, don't send me a card. I promise, a Christmas tree emoji is enough.