"How is school? Are you getting smarter?" - my grandmother

"This is my girlfriend." - my cousin's wife's brother introducing his significant other. They'll be married before I bring someone to dinner - and he's 19.

"When are we opening gifts?" - me

"Is there any special girl in your life? Are you so hard to please? Do you have a list of what you're looking for?" - my grandmother to me

"It's not time to eat!" - my mother to the great-grandkids (not hers!)

The sound of me peeing as I listen through the door to the commotion.

"Why do we waste youth on the young?" - my grandmother

"It's time to eat! Get your dad to say the blessing." - my mom

"How many more years of college do you have?" - my cousin's wife (College . . . Really?)

Eeeeee! - the chihuahua that ran into my ankle. Its name is Dodo.

"Where is the Ebola outbreak? In Europe, right?" - my grandmother

"I like school a lot more this year because they no longer bully me. It's because I'm taller this year and my voice changed." - my cousin's kid (Me: When is my voice going to change?)

"That chihuahua looks like a premature baby. Its eyes are too big for its head." - me

"Merry Christmas, you make me want to shout!" - the hat atop my grandmother's head

"Mother." - my mom to my grandmother after Grandma said something snarky about an estranged family member. How the tables turn once you pass 70.

"Skip ahead." - my mom when my grandmother begins reading the Christmas story, starting with chapter one of Luke aka when Mary visits her cousin Elizabeth. Like, Jesus isn't born for fifty more verses; please do skip ahead.

"I'd rather be dead." - my cousin's daughter on whether she would rather be Elsa or Anna. Well, okay then.