American Horror Story: The Netflix Betrayals

Previously I discussed the twenty-something epidemic, The Netflix Binge. Today I will narrate a nasty side effect: The Netflix Betrayal.

I am not the first to write on the potential pitfall of agreeing to watch a Netflix show with your friends. You think you'll bond - you'll have more inside jokes to reference - but occasionally strife strikes. Here is my tale:

My friend invited me to watch the premiere of the current season of American Horror Story. Afterward, I couldn't bear to wait seven days for episode two (did you see the killer clown?! I needed to know his story!). My friend suggested we watch the past seasons in the meantime. We watched the second season in a week. I'm proud to say (maybe embarrassed, too), I was so into AHS that I convinced my out-of-town weekend guests to watch the show while we pregamed the bars. However, this sets the stage for the betrayals: My out-of-town friend left my laptop signed into her Netflix account....

Sister Jude hand wave

The Betrayals

1.) Somewhere near episode 8 in season two, I Wikipedia'd the season. This isn't something new for me: As a writer, I enjoy a surprise as much as knowing the synopsis beforehand and watching the art of how it unfolds. I often read film plots before seeing the movie. But now I knew how it all ended - but I kept my lips tight. Safe for now.

2.) We watched season one after season two. Around episode 10, my so-called friends decided they wanted to bar-hop rather than see what happens with Vivien's child. Well, I haven't been dependent on anyone since the age of 17. Remember how my friend left me signed into her Netflix account?

Constance AHS Rejoice

Cazey watched the rest of season one in the dark of his bedroom. And then he re-watched the finale with his friends days later. They were never the wiser. (Until they read that.)

3.) Life got in the way of watching season three. The holidays approached. I couldn't wait any longer. I still had access to my friend's Netflix account. So after finals, I treated myself and watched season three. It took me three nights.

Fiona I have no soul AHS

4.) Now up-to-date with AHS, I decided why not watch another show with my free Netflix access? Except this time I had been kicked off Netflix. Someone changed their password. I had wondered how long it would take my friend to see AHS in her most recently watched shows - when all her other recommended shows were "Gilmore Girls," "Sex and the City," and "Jersey Shore." But no, friend, no! Of course I never told her I was (ab)using her account, so she may not have known who she spurned. I contemplated mailing her a shredded Netflix subscription. Or glitter.

Fiona whole wide wickened world AHS

5.) Fast forward to New Year's Eve. My friend and I are heavily intoxicated. AHS comes up (whoops).

Me: "We have to watch season three! I've heard it's the best season, someone told me . . . . "

My friend: "I have a secret . . . I've already started it. I've seen four episodes."

. . .

You all can just die Fiona AHS


Fiona I don't give a shit AHS


Because - and I burst out - "I watched the whole damn season!"

Such a Fiona Goode moment. (See the last four GIFs; that's Fiona.)

My friend's eyes widen. "You did?" she gasps.

Me: (fast explaining) "I was going to watch it again with you all. It's the best season!"

My friend fiercely agrees: "I know! I love it!"

And we moved on from the subject. But a question lingers: Can established traitors ever come together again to watch a Netflix series?