Mirror, Mirror on the Web . . . How Old Am I?

Overnight my Facebook has blown up with people's selfies, which wouldn't be anything new, except now they're labeled with how old the person looks. Thanks to the #HowOldRobot, a website can now tell you how youthful/aged/non-human you look.

For kicks over breakfast, I decided to see how old I look since my birthday was this past week.

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Damn, grad school has done a number on me. Nine years to be exact.

I tried again:

Sbx 80

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Coffee Siren is eight decades old. Who would've known? All that caffeine keeps her youthful.

And so it went:

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Not much to say here.

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This is like an average of Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire and Robin Williams' age in 1993.

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Aunt Jemima, where do you get your genes?

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Another lie told by Brian Williams (actual age: 55).

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See, we need to stop doubting Hillary is too old to run for president.

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The presidency hasn't aged him once yet.

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Okay, cool. At least I'm not in my thirties this time.

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Surprisingly, this is Sister Jude's actual age (Jessica Lange was ~64-years-old when American Horror Story: Asylum filmed.)

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OMG. Spot-on for age and sex!


Sorry, Bill; it added twelve years (Bill Murray, actual age: 64).


Meet Alyssa. She's a second year dental student. Real age: 24. My, how grad school sucks your soul dry.


This is Constance Langdon from American Horror Story: Murder House. I don't think she's supposed to be this young, hence "Rejoice!"

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Why is Sara deemed younger-looking than me? We're going to blame the makeup.

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Phew. It sees the truth: Sara is older than most grandmothers.

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DA FUXX. I am not in my thirties!

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Sara: the mom-next-door.

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Betty White's actual age is 93. Bill Murray might want to give her his twelve excess years plus one for old time's sake.

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I was expecting to get a larger number, like, in the trillions. After all, Morgan Freeman is a synonym for "ageless wisdom."

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I had to try again. Still got the sex right . . . .

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Next goal for the #HowOldRobot: Determining fetuses' sex.

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I don't know this man, but I love him. Maybe he's 76.

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Aka "you dead." (I found this man by Googling "oldest man alive.")

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"You get a facelift! I get a facelift! Everyone gets an age-lift!"