Last month I received an invitation to my friend's wedding. This came as a surprise since, even though we were the best of friends when drunk during our first year of college, the last time we caught up was at dinner and we finished and paid for our meal in under an hour. I walked away thinking, "We are not the same friends anymore."
When I saw my friend was engaged, I happily clicked like and wrote congrats with three exclamation points. My excitement for him was genuine. But after that dinner, I felt pretty sure I would not be invited to the wedding. Which, no a big deal. At our dinner, I discovered the wedding date coincided with a project proposal I had due (grad school problems), and I even mentioned this to my friend.
Cue me opening letter and squealing (I think I did make some animalistic noise) that I was invited. And not just that - the invitation read "Mr. Cazey Williams + Guest."
A couple of weeks later I ran into my friend at the grocery store. I immediately thanked him (and his fiancée) for the invitation. "I'm really sorry I haven't RSVP'd yet. I have a project due the Monday after, and I need to make sure I can get it all done."
"Man, don't worry about it," my friend said. "No pressure if you can't make it."
That is when overthinking me suddenly imagined the hypothetical that my friend purposefully invited me to his wedding knowing I couldn't make it. Impossible! Right?
I spoke my fear out loud a couple of days later to my roommate. She repeated it back to me: "So you think your friend only invited you because he knew you couldn't come?"
Me: "I mean, it's just a thought. I wasn't expecting to be invited."
My roommate: "People aren't manipulative like that!"
Me: "It's a way to save money."
I held off RSVPing for over a month. I teetered between would I be able to complete my project and go to wedding and/or was I actually invited.
Roommate: "Invitations also cost money."
Me: "It's cheaper to send an invitation than pay for a plate."
Two days before the deadline, I decided I would go. I asked my friend to be my plus one. And happened to tell her my nonsensical theory.
Friend: "You might want to make sure we're actually invited before we show up."
Me: "How exactly am I supposed to ask my friend if I'm actually invited? I got an invitation..."
Friend: "I don't know? Do you know anyone in the wedding party?"
I texted my friend from kindergarten. In hindsight I can't believe I actually sent this text, but that's partially why I'm blogging this story:
“Joe! So this is semi-weird to ask, but Brett invited me to his wedding last month, and RSVPs are due Saturday. And I’m going to RSVP yes, but I know he knows I had a big work project due that weekend, which I’m planning on finishing up early and sneaking away. But I was wondering if you know and/or your thoughts on if I RSVP right up against the deadline / did Brett assume I wouldn’t come? And I don’t mean that he was hoping I wouldn’t come, just I don’t want to be there and he’s like, ‘I didn’t think he could actually make it’ and throw off their numbers."
I added, "And I thought you might be more in the know on that."
I followed up with a third text: “Because I held off a long time RSVPing because I thought we wouldn’t be able to make it.”
Me to my friend: “I can’t believe I actually sent that. Now we wait.”
Joe did not respond for 40 minutes. In that time I wondered what I would do if he didn’t answer. Do I text back the next day and say, “So that’s a no…?” Or do I just RSVP no? Because you definitely can’t RSVP yes after asking the best man the above. We would be the guests who definitely were not invited. Now, at the very least, we were the guests who asked if they were actually invited. Was that worse?
Joe finally replied: “I think you’re fine! He hadn’t said anything, and I bet he’d be super excited to see a yes! And I'd love to see you.”
“Phew,” I told my friend, “we’re going to the wedding.”
I checked yes and put down my guest’s and my name on the RSVP. Before putting it in the mail, I texted the groom: “Hey, I just wanted to give you a head’s up since it’s so close to the deadline, but I’m going to be able to make your wedding!”
And then the groom responded: “Ahh yay! Are you sure? I don’t want you to have a million things to do that day!”
AM I SURE?
I’m really not.
I screenshot and sent to my friend: “WHAT DO WE DO?” All I got back was a “Hahahahahaha.” Not helpful.
“I think it will be fine!” I painstakingly typed back to my friend. “I’ll just have to leave early Saturday.”
So not only are we the guests that asked are we actually invited, we might also be the guests who aren’t invited. Stay tuned.