By Simone Heard
I’m a 29-year-old bachelorette who’s not ready to get married yet. Not wanting to be someone’s wife can be problematic in a world that often defines a woman’s status by a ring on her finger and having a serious significant other in the picture. God forbid you be single, whole on your own, and out here living your best life… you may worry or threaten people with your singleness and bachelorette lifestyle.
This is not to mention the concerns and pressures from different family members, friends, and even acquaintances who often ask, “Why are you still single?”
“Why do you care?” is what I’d like to know. The pressure. The questions. The comparisons. The nonstop social media announcements, photos of couples starting a life together, and more can all be a little draining to take in sometimes. I’m in a space in my life right now where I’m still aiming to get into my dream career, pursuing my passions, focused on wholeheartedly accomplishing my goals and aspirations, and having different experiences on my own first before I could ever consider being someone’s wife. And I believe that’s just fine.
But I’ve been warned, implicitly and explicitly, of being my age and not already settled down…
During a counseling session, I was advised to consider freezing my eggs if I planned on having children someday.
I’ve been encouraged to settle for guys I’ve been “just not that into” so I could be with someone and be married already.
I’ve been asked when can my parents start expecting grandchildren.
I’ve been advised to downplay who I am as a woman, so I don’t scare guys away or intimidate them.
I’ve been told, “The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone.”
I’ve also received, “Do you want to end up alone?”
There is no certain age at which any woman or person needs to be in a relationship, settling down, or having kids. It’s not a race. I’m doing my own thing, and I’m focused and working on my dreams. I’ve earned an education and degree no one can ever take away from me. I’m meeting new people and casually dating. And I’m enjoying my great family and terrific friends. I have the freedom to explore and travel and fill my newly obtained passport. I can budget and spend and save my income as I’d like. I don’t have any kids or any relationship stress or drama, and I’m having the best time of my life without an engagement ring, walking down an aisle, or telling social media, “I said yes.”
I used to envy young women who were getting proposals, having incredible weddings, and seemingly happy and healthy marriages while making bogus excuses for why I wasn’t, as if my singleness, especially at my age, was something to be ashamed of. Now? I celebrate women who are making those moves. If my wedding day comes, great. If it doesn’t, I believe I’ll be fine. Either way, I’m in no rush. There’s a lot I want and need to do on my own first. I believe it’s okay to not be ready yet. You’re on no one’s timetable but your own, and you owe no one an apology or explanation.
Simone Heard is a writer and blogger as well as an unconventional believer, beach lover, and a self-proclaimed brunch, coffee, and wine connoisseur. Her personal blog Making Waves can be found here. This is her first time writing for ATOB.
If you enjoyed this, then you may also enjoy: