Did I do everything wrong this year?
"Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's beautiful. But most of the time, it's both." - Lana Lang
I simply find it ridiculous that we’re just about a month out from this year ending. If you recall any of my previous year end reviews, they can be a bit negative. For better or worse, I can be a critic and think about how much more I could have done, how much further in my life I should be.
I also am constantly plagued with envisioning the what if’s and the paths I didn’t take. The first paper I wrote in college was about Robert Frost and how I think The Road Not Taken is actually a poem full of regret over what he didn’t do, rather than the uplifting Americana poem everyone thinks it is.
That’s basically how I am in life. No matter how lovely the path is I’m on, I still can just picture other options. But when you really think about it, you can’t even imagine all the options, since it’s not just like we’re only given two paths to choose between.
Beginning my MBA program
I’m a few weeks away from wrapping up my first semester of my MBA program. It’s been a whirlwind. I absolutely love being back on the quest for knowledge, learning new things and meeting new people, but I haven’t enjoyed the subject matter, I still haven’t figured out my routine and I’m constantly worrying that I should be studying more. When I look ahead, there are still a handful of classes I’m not excited about, and another three years of schools seems insurmountable.
Then a Bloomberg article makes its way across my desk about whether or not it’s still worth going back for an MBA these days. The TL;DR version of it is, it depends.
It’s not that I want to quit or even regret going back to school, but it’s certainly easy to question if this was the best idea when I’m struggling through statistics and accounting.
I got Lasik
I’m sure everyone around me is exhausted about me talking about Lasik. I really like it. After a rough few weeks and working through how it affected me mentally (I was not ready for how much a part of me my glasses had become), I am super happy I did it.
Though, sometimes I worry that I am cross-eyed… I can see my nose more than I think I used to be able to… but I also think it’s because I’m used to having glasses on. And sometimes I have headaches, which I also have to remind myself is something that I experienced way before Lasik.
Then Apple serves up this article to me: LASIK eye surgery needs to stop, former FDA adviser says. That headline was a notification that popped up on my phone during a meeting. My stomach dropped. I was immediately expecting the worst. I felt the waves of regret striking me. I’ve maimed myself, I’ve always known it.
Now would be a good time to remind everyone that I am DRAMATIC. I have gone to the dentist for lot’s of inane reasons, like the time I thought my tooth’s root was bigger than normal. Bless insurance and a kind dental practice.
In my downward spiral, I did what I always do; group text my mom and sister.
“Stop reading it! You’ve already had it done,” my sister.
“If your eyes are ok now it sounds like you’ll be fine,” my mom.
I had the same takeaway as my mom from the article, and yet convinced myself that maybe I am cross-eyed. Then I read it a few more times while letting my stomach bubble. Do I have a headache? I think I have a headache from the Lasik I got six months ago. Then I took my sister’s advice and stopped reading the article. I’m doing that thing where I make a problem when a problem doesn’t exist.
My eyes are fine. I know they’re fine. I can see. I don’t have glare or starbursts. However, I did book a follow-up appointment with an eye doctor in December, because I’d sure like to hear it from a medical professional again.
It was after all this chaos that I brought upon myself that I made a joke to someone about me doing everything wrong this year. I got Lasik when one medical professional said it might not be a good idea for everyone and I went back to school to get an MBA even though someone said it’s maybe not worth it.
For the record though, both articles I read in the same day and after I’ve already made both of these decisions.
Some key takeaways:
I need to stop reacting to triggering headlines. I’m falling for the media’s trap.
There are dissenters for everything. 95% of people may say Lasik is good (which is what the article says), so I need to focus on that and not the dissenters.
I need to write happier blog posts or else people are going to think I’m not okay. But don’t worry, I’M FINE, I PROMISE.
I’ve lost all sense of time because we have our work performance reviews next week and now I think the year is ending.
For the record, I don’t think I did EVERYTHING wrong this year. In truth, I think I did MoSt of it right. But I will continue to question myself (for better or worse) and make adjustments as needed to my course.
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