What’s more clichéd than saying you’re addicted to coffee? It seems every person who holds down some sort of a job or responsibility, and who likes to stop at Dunkin’ on the way, says they have a coffee addiction.Read More
I am a Starbucks aficionado. This is no secret. I have been a Gold Card-holding member since I exited the womb. And my membership doesn’t expire until Trump ends his presidency.
I love to collect stars. That’s the points you collect for drinking overpriced coffee. Every 125 stars, I get a free beverage. And it can be anything. My typical order is a $3.26 iced venti Americano with blonde espresso and light soy. When it’s a reward, I order a milkshake made with almond milk and two pumps hazelnut, five pumps millennial.
When it’s a Double Star Day, I’m there. Every month Gold Card-carrying members are designated a day where whatever they order earns them two times the normal number of stars. Again, we’re trying to get to 125 so we can order a free drink that is made of myrrh and gasoline at summer prices.Read More
As readers of this blog know, I have a caffeine problem. Only a year ago, I used to limit my caffeine intake so I wouldn’t be termed “addicted.” I would have coffee only every other day. Then I gave in because coffee is just that good. The slippery slope led to experimenting with pre-workout supplements (which often entail caffeine), and now I have reached the pinnacle of a caffeine problem where I am reviewing products whose sole purpose is to caffeinate you. Enter stage right Vital4U’s Screamin Energy Max Hit.
I only agree to review products that I’m sincerely interested in using. Besides simply enjoying the taste of coffee, I’m also an avid gym goer and always looking for something to give me a kick and pump. My typical regimen is mixing together some scoops of BCAAs, creatine, glutamine, beta alanine, and arginine before I hit the weights. (These are pretty standard supplements if you follow that stuff. Maybe one day I’ll write more about my #fitlife and become a fitness blogger. Probably not.) However, taking all those powders on the road can be a pain. When I heard about Vital4U, I saw a solution.Read More
Usually, when you get pills in the mail that you didn’t order, you throw them away and/or call the police. Not me. I decide to take them.
Last year I ordered something online, and when it arrived, it was accompanied by a promo sample of “Sculptify capsules.” The packaging included no ingredient list, only the words “No Crash, Rapid Fat-Loss, Explosive Thermogenic.”
Sane, rational me was initially going to toss the pills, because you don’t take mystery pills – that is how people die – but then I Googled. Besides seeing the pills contain toothed clubmoss (what the f**k is that?), I discovered they were caffeine pills. Okay, technically, they were a pre-workout, but that translates to caffeine. And I had been looking for a new power-up on my caffeine intake.Read More
I’ve been to Lift Coffee Shop three times over the last two years, and none of my visits has been disappointing. This last time was the first time I went for brunch, so I’m glad to finally be able to review it. But I’ll also review the coffee since I’ve had that more times than brunch.
So, anyway, the coffee is good. My first time here I got a hot Americano, which is very not my style since I normally only ordered iced drinks. But it was a cold March day. I was on a date. She had asked me out. Conversation was good. Coffee was better. I never saw her again. Well, at least formally. I’ve run into her once or twice while walking in the Fan, but we just smile and keep walking.
This past summer I met Sara and her family at Tarrant’s Café on Broad for brunch. After brunch, I had a whole day ahead of me and I had no special plans. Instead of driving home to do whatever, I decided to walk down to Lift since I remembered it from over a year ago on my date and I also wanted coffee.Read More
As we are all aware, the campaign for America’s 45th president is in full swing – full of gossip, scandals, lies, and more lies. Cazey and I frequently discuss the hilarity (and absurdity) of it all, even if it is reality. Most recently, we conjectured what it would be like if Hillary, Trump, and Bernie all walk into a Starbucks together, because, why not?
(Probably because we’re addicted to caffeine actually.)
Picture it: A bustling Starbucks on a busy NYC street corner (appropriate since all three candidates have ties to New York). There’s probably a five-minute wait to talk to the cashier and another 10-minute wait until your drink is ready; most people ignore your presence.
The baristas are all starving, high school- and college-aged millennials (or maybe they’re actors), each equipped with iPhone 7S’s and tattoos because everyone else has one, duh!Read More
Last Friday, 3:30 PM. I’ve been up since 6 AM. I’ve already had too much coffee for the day, accomplished nothing at work, and have spent the last hour staring at Facebook and praying someone sends me an email that isn’t 20% off at JCPenney’s this weekend.
I decide to run to the grocery store before I meet up with some friends for happy hour. At least I’ll feel somewhat productive then.Read More
Most of my friends know I’m an iced coffee aficionado. I study this sh*t in my spare time. I know the caffeine doses and calorie count of every large iced coffee at most American chains even if I haven’t tried it yet. And as much as I hate capitalistic, consumerist monsters, Starbucks wins every. Damn. Time. When it comes to iced coffee orgasms.
There are several ways to concoct iced coffee.Read More
By Cazey Williams I’m a Starbucks aficionado in the most non-basic sense, which means I don’t order mocha chais or – God forbid – PSLs. The only time I get more exciting than a “Trenta iced coffee, light soy, light ice, unsweetened” is when I have a reward drink, and then I might – might – order some sort of frappucino with double espresso shots.
I don’t do this more often because of the two C’s that dictate most of my dietary habits: Cost and calories. However, once upon a time, my friend introduced me to the Tazo (insert trademark symbol) Green Tea Frappucino Blended Crème (apparently that’s the proper name). I had a sore throat at that encounter, which added to my adoration.
That frappucino happens to cost $4.75 if you order a venti (and why wouldn’t you?). If your heart palpitated at that, wait until you hear about the nutrition. It’s so bad that Starbucks is very sorry, but “the nutritional data for this product is not available online.” Thankfully, nutrition sleuths exist online, and they estimate calories for that venti at 420, which primarily comes 88 grams of carbohydrates. Carbs in themselves are not bad – but 86 of those grams are sugar. Yes, sugar. I just got diabetes.
The iced green tea latte is loaded with similar sins.
Therefore, I present to you my sweet Starbucks hack that is both cheaper and healthier. Order a Trenta shaken green iced tea (Teavana with the trademark symbol if you care – and a trenta because I always do) and ask for no water. When you order a shaken iced tea usually, Starbucks already has the tea made, but they then add water. Yup, they water it down. Right? What the heck is that? So when you say “no water,” they give you all tea.
So then the barista asks, “Sweetened or unsweetened?” This is your choice. And I know aspartame comes out of the devil’s pores, but gosh, I love my Sweet’N Low and always ask for just one packet. Of course, this might kill me down the road, but not as fast as the 86g sugar overdose.
Finally, you ask for a splash of soy, which means like a fourth of a cup in generous barista language. If they’re stingy, you need two splashes. (We’re trying not to get charged here.) Starbucks carries vanilla soy milk, and this is what gives the creamy, sweet addition you need to emulate a latte. (Sorry, this isn’t exactly a frappucino, but you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.)
Altogether, $3.28 on my gold card. Ka-ching.
Here I am modeling with this heavenly creature we’ve created. Look at those chapped knuckles. Taylor Swift should cast me in a music video.
Note how the color goes with the yellow foliage. Yeah, I know it’s November; who wants an iced beverage? Well, I hope you burn your tongue on your steamed milk.
Anyway, get to Starbucks fast, and let me know what you think!
I’m here to set the record straight: I’m not addicted to coffee.
I’ll admit, I’m like the middle school girl who pines for the most recent teen heartthrob idol and adorns her binder (which is already emblazoned with his face and brand, thanks to Wal-Mart capitalism) with his name and hearts, and she won’t shut up about him - but when it comes down to it, she isn’t even dating Justin Bieber/Zac Efron/Brock from Pokemon.
So I talk about coffee all the time; it doesn’t mean we’re together.
You could call me the emotionally abusive/absent boyfriend. Ask me if I drink coffee, and I’ll say I only drink it twice a week – three times if I’m especially sleep deprived – which is true, but it implies a sort of objectivity and detachment from my mistress. Which is definitely not the case.
In fact, I have nicknamed my fondness “#bae.” And like a misogynistic boyfriend, I have preferences for my #bae: Iced and with soy. (Pause here: Misogyny actually isn’t a joke; I can rant about this at another time. Besides coffee, feminism is a passion of mine.)
My friend recently told me that she found a coffee shop on Yelp “that supposedly has the best iced coffee in Richmond. I knew you’d appreciate this. You’re my only friend who loves iced coffee and not just coffee. It is a separate creature, really.” No kidding; iced coffee is a unicorn compared to just to regular, blah, hot coffee.
I didn’t wait for my friend before I tried the coffee.
So based on this adoration, you must be wondering how am I not addicted? Well, like I said, I limit myself to #bae twice a week. So physically I’m not addicted. But emotionally, it’s a different story. I schedule things around the days I allow myself to overdose on Americano on the rocks (that’s what my friend told me the Europeans call iced coffee, and I like to be pretentious). Here where the problem lies: I want #bae every day.
Like, I wish you could bring iced coffee to cycling class instead of water.
I hail from a family of caffeine junkies. Heck, I hail from a nation full of them; we might have poured tea into the bay, but we run on Dunkin and, Gabriel knows, Starbucks is a millennial mecca. People don’t judge if you waken to the coffee pot and need the black stuff to get through listless afternoons. #bae whispers, “What would be so bad about addiction?”
I remember the first time I unlocked the omnipotence of coffee. Two years ago to this month – the third Wednesday of my senior year at college – I had slept ten hours the night before, but I felt as dead as a patient undergoing open heart surgery, and so being as cheap as a broker who banks in the Caribbean, I sought self-service Starbucks (it’s a college campus thing) where instead of paying full price, I filled a 32 oz. soda cup with straight iced coffee (double brewed if it’s Starbucks!), maybe three ice cubes, and a splash of soy milk. Then I went to work where I casually sipped my bae down in about fifteen minutes.
Your eyes probably just bulged. If they didn’t, they should have. I came that close to cardiac arrest that day.
BUT MY GOD, HOW GOOD IT FELT.
Some people get the spins when they’re drunk. I get the pulses when I’m (over)caffeinated. You are infinite. You can run for hours – physically and metaphorically. You are fearless.
The reason I am afraid of addiction is as messed up as that high I had on September 12, 2012: I don’t want a tolerance. I want to be able to get back to that high whenever I please. And if I’m caffeinated every day, eventually it will be an everyday thing, and it won’t be special.
Am I overthinking this? Obviously. But that’s my trademark.
So I sip my #bae and forget these qualms. And senses awaken. Energy proliferates. Social media abounds (because did you really order #Sbx if you didn’t insta it?). And what’s another coffee tomorrow, the next day, even later today? As long as I’m not addicted.