Is Selfie-Confidence the New Self-Confidence?

A guy once did a good creep over of all my social media accounts and asked/told me: "You're a good-looking girl, but there's no selfies so you must lack self-confidence?" We never talked again because what the hell.

But then it happened again. A new friend request, then a few days later, "It's weird that you don't post pictures of yourself anywhere. Why is that?"

That was less bizarre to me, so I engaged further in the dialogue, only to be met eventually with the question as to why I wouldn't put up more selfies of myself UNLESS I didn't have confidence in my physical looks.

This time, though, it did make me really wonder about it. Why am I getting slammed for not posting pictures of myself? Doesn't it mean something that I value myself enough, and have enough confidence on my own, without needed the "likes" and approvals of my social media peers? Is "omg hawt" from my friend that feels morally obligated to comment on a selfie really supposed to make my heart flutter with self-confidence?

Why is it now assumed that because I don't take daily pictures of myself and subject my followers to scroll through them imply that I am a heifer? I mean, I am self- aware enough to know I am no model, but I am also confident enough to know that my looks don't make people want to burn their eyes out. Or at least, no one has yet to burn their eyes out after seeing me, that I know of.

If this is a sign of the times, I want out.

I want back to the days where a guy will compliment you in person, and not just throw you a "like" on one of your super-filtered is that even you anymore selfies and call it a day. Let's #throwbackthursday to a time before #wcw'ing someone was a way of telling them you liked them. Oh. My. Gosh. Maybe we can even talk about our feelings face to face and not via text messages rife with ambiguous emojis.

Nah, I'm probably asking too much.

Tinder for conversation

By Cazey Williams Dating apps need no introduction. Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge: Your friends are on them if you aren’t. I have a friend who broke up with a dude because he was on Tinder while they were in Italy! Monsieur, what the hell.

I originally downloaded Tinder because – true story alert! – I was looking for a way to (ethically) meet a girl who was a student in a class I was TA’ing. Amy, I’m still looking for you.

For the uninitiated (though I’m calling your bluff if you’re single and aged between 18 and 26), you generally swipe right or heart a person on these apps if you think you might enjoy their company (read: looks). And then if the other person feels the same way about you, it’s a match, and you’re encouraged to chat, meet up, make babies, etc.

If you’re a female, matching with someone is considerably easier. “Instant gratification” is how my friend put it. You basically will match with anyone you say yes to.

That’s not to say I don’t have matches as a male; I just won’t share my number, not that I’m insecure or anything. In my defense, I am a selective swiper righter. If you have more than one selfie, no. If you like sports, I’m intimidated, so no. And if you are “a hot mess on a regular basis,” you are basic like the guacamole you love and eff no. (Though someone once wrote they love pho, and I almost said yes until I noticed their face.)

I actually sought out apps with better filters than what Tinder provides because of my requisites like grammar skills and a photo of more than your cleavage in bad lighting. On these classier apps like Bagel Meets Coffee, I can find my potential match’s height and occupation along with whether they have a trust fund or student debt.

So when I do find a match, they must be special, and I must be proposing right away. Wrong. Enter the classic commitmentphobe.

Many a-matches sit neglected in my inbox waiting for Prince Charming (me). I’ve messaged, like, five of them. I usually find them either blah or nonresponsive. One I did ask on a date (at my roommate’s urging) only to have it canceled before it was even scheduled. I believe her exact words were, “I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” Me either.

I suffer one crucial hang-up when it comes to initiating anything past “What’s up?” – and it has nothing to do with judging people who online date because I don’t. Essentially, I don’t know if I want to date. So I don’t know where I want this to go, so what am I initiating here? I’m not about that hookup culture, especially through an app (maybe I would be if this was and there were background checks).

Of course, I could just invite my hypothetical match (who never seems as appealing once we match as they did when I initially swiped right) to hang out and see where things go. But here, let us discuss the mainstream societal expectation that the man should pay on first date: Yes, not everyone believes this (phew), and also I agree there’s a gender pay gap so maybe it works out, but there is no bias in stipends for grad students, which is what I live on. Yeah, I could afford to cover coffee or no-strings-attached drinks (that means no appetizers), but the moment we say dinner, I’m thinking, “There goes the cost of my annual membership to the American Statistical Association.” And as you rise “to go to the bathroom,” I add, “That membership will pay the bills when we’re married.” Never married is what I really mean.

And if the date sucks altogether? I guess when the waiter comes, I could say, “Split please.” (<<<< Douche)

So for now I am content to collect my matches and stay busy with all the things I do other than chat with nearby strangers and pay for dates – and still keep looking for Amy.

Can't you just stick to stalking me online?

I make myself pretty noticeable online, starting mainly with the fact that when you google my name, you're not really going to run into many other people with one similar to it. Beyond that, I'm on almost every social networking site and keep a blog about myself. If you want to stalk me online, you basically have a green light. But let's keep it there. Granted, my life is essentially a reoccurring routine, where I go to work at the same time, go to the bathroom every morning at the same time, eat lunch at the same time in the same place, come home from work at the same time, work out at the same place at the same time, come home and eat at the same time, and even watch the same programming. Stalking me in real life is also easy, but a lot less socially acceptable.

Like I was saying, I eat at the same place at the same time everyday, so naturally I see this one girl also on the same schedule. Like good strangers do, we ignore that we sit near each other practically everyday. This one day, a kid came up to hit on me. In broad daylight. Weird. I'm just trying to read and eat, so there's really no signals I'm sending out, except maybe that I'm really antisocial. We chat a bit regardless and he goes away.

The next day he comes back at the same time and sits with me again. Coincidence? I think not. He talks more and asks for my number, things get weird, to make it less weird I give it to him, and then he tried to hug me. Worst. Lunch. Ever. I go back inside to continue with my routine sans the awkward hugger.

Then the next day comes, and I'm following my same routine (one that I very much enjoy if I might add). I get a text that says, "just got to our lunch spot."


That's not "ours". It's mine. It's been mind since May. I also don't like that I am so predictable that he already figured out my routine within two days. Can't he stalk me online like normal people do these days? Why does he have to actually stalk me? I just want to enjoy my bread and peanut butter without someone watching me try to chew down a really dry and sticky lunch without water.

So naturally I stay in my office until I am assured he won't be there and then go to lunch. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I can't reclaim my sacred lunch spot. Maybe he will stalk me like were in 2013 and he'll see this post. Or maybe I can tell him I don't like him inviting himself into my routine, but that just doesn't seem passive aggressive enough.

Are You YOU on Social Media?

My friend and I were having a chat over lunch once about how people act on social media and it got me thinking, do most people use social media to express things they wish they could in real life, or are they the same person online as they are in real life? I tend to think of myself falling in the latter category, where I am the same person online as I am in real life. I tell the truth, I compliment the same things, I whine about the same things, I talk about the same things, my voice is the same, etc. What you see online is essentially what you'd get in person.

However, some people disagree. Someone I was friends with used to say that what they said on twitter essentially didn't count towards who they were in real life. They used twitter as an outlet for things they can't say in the real world, or don't actually apply to their life.

So what do you think? Are you YOU on social media, or is there some sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing happening when you hit your computer?

Let's get a good poll going! Also, leave comments, especially if you think you're different online than you are in real life. [polldaddy poll=7406652]


How to do Better than me in the Makeup Industry

I've been in the makeup business for 2 months now and have sold a whopping 100$ in the industry. Here's what I've learned so far: 1. Just because people are your friends doesn't mean they'll buy from you. - They tell you to use your network, but sometimes your network just isn't into it. None of my friends want to buy from me and its weird harassing them to. Keep it rolling and find new markets.

2. Face to face is still essential. - I thought I'd take the easy way out and sell online. No one wants to buy makeup online when they can try it on and look at it elsewhere in person.

3. If you don't take you seriously, no one will. - I secretly still don't wear enough makeup to be a viable makeup seller. It's tough to persuade people to do something if you don't do it yourself.

4. Do something. - I made a fancy website, Facebook page, and twitter feed for my new job, yet have not backed it up with any amount of skills, promotion, or tactics. Just because it has a pretty facade doesn't mean it'll succeed.

5. Do you. - When I first joined, she basically told me the boys line was irrelevant. I knew more dudes supporting me then women, yet I didn't even bother selling to them because she sort of told me not to. I should have known to do me and sell to them, since in the end they're 80% of the meager sales I've had.

I'll Go, But Not Quietly

A few days ago, I hit my last straw with my bank. I've been banking with them since high school, and have had it with their lackluster customer service and mismanagement of my account. I have gone in person to speak with someone, only to be turned away. I've called the hotline, only to be hurried off the phone without my problems resolved. So I took my message to the streets.

I tweeted: "Bank of America blows. I'm going on record to say they consistently, bar none, have the worst customer service available. #salty"

 I did this for lots of reasons. I did this because I thought of the Dell Hell blog that caused Dell to reinvent its customer service. I did it to inspire change within the organization. I did it to make them take customers complaints seriously. I did it so they stopped thinking they could walk over me. I did it to warn my followers that if they want a pleasant banking experience, they should go somewhere else. And lastly, I did it because I was alone in my office and needed to complain to someone.

My dad then called me up to inform me that I am petty, immature and that "as someone that's in the business of social media, you should know the limits of what should be tweeted."

I took it all in and contemplated it. Among the tweets up for debate:

  • that I watch Kelly and Michael at work
  • That I am glad the workweek is ending #TGIF
  • And mainly about how I am a disgruntled bank consumer

If my boss knows I watch Kelly and Michael at work, what's the problem with saying that it makes me happy to do so?

My boss also says she's glad for the weekend. She's used the #TGIF hashtag before. And not to compare, but she referred to Beyonce as porn, so how is that any less petty to put on social media?

And lastly, if I tell people in person to bank elsewhere, what's the difference between telling my online network? I literally work my bank into conversations in order to warn people, so why should I not tell people online about my feelings? Is it rude? Potentially. I tried other means to talk to the bank, but bar none the most immediate response I got was via my tweet. They even followed up with me days later via twitter. When I call them or go see them in person, I don't even get that kind of compassion. Clearly, tweeting to them helped on some level.

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46% of people look online before making purchasing decisions, so isn't it in the best nature of helping others to warn people of a company I strongly suggest avoiding? If this bank won't change, shouldn't I tell people to be wary? I gave them ample chances to make me a happy customer, but they didn't, so now they should live with the repercussions. 

My sister tells me just to leave if its so bad. I'm going to leave the bank eventually, but why do I have to go quietly and let people blindly decide to go there without at least some chance of knowing how they will be treated?

Is tweeting badly about a company a bad thing? Or am I right in wanting to bring to light customer service that is not up to my standards? Is it justified because it's they only avenue that they took me seriously on?

Let's get some dialogue going about this below.