Speed Networking Woes

By Cazey Williams In my life outside blogging, I happen to be events chair for my local alumni chapter. That job entails planning football viewings, happy hours and promoting friend making.

So my event idea was to coerce people who regularly attend our meetings to meet people different than the ones they already know and/or came with. I originally called it “speed dating,” but then decided we weren't trying to market to lusty singles, so let’s go with “speed networking” – because that’s what we’re doing. Except not in the professional sense; or at least that wasn't the primary goal. When I wrote up the event blurb, I put, “Emphasis on social.”

Okay, in hindsight, every name for the event was doomed. Social networking conjures notions of Facebooking and tweeting. Speed dating…well, this isn’t for hapless Valentines. And speed networking – please, keep your business cards in your pocket.

To keep the event lite (misspelled on purpose), I made a bingo sheet for an ice breaker. Each square had something related to our alma mater. I printed out a list of questions stolen from websites meant for both speed dating and networking.

The first person to arrive for the event was in a tan suit and had silver hair. Me internally: Crap. Like, I’m wearing moccasins. I almost wore shorts. We shake hands.

“This is my first event in several years,” Mr. Businessman says.

“What brought you out?”

“The speed networking. I love networking. I’ve been in sales for 16 years.”

“Well,” I think fast, “we’re expecting a mixed crowd, so it’s gonna be a little social, a little professional (not at all, I’m in moccasins). Hopefully you’ll get something out of it.”

“Can’t wait to find out.”

Oh, I can.

People trickle in. The assortment is mixed only by contrast: Me and my moccasins, 23 and in grad school, and everyone else years older and employed – or formerly employed. Gosh, I invited you here to make friends, not get you a job. One of my worst self-critiques is underperforming, and I would say a list of questions that includes “Star Wars or Star Trek?” is underperforming for this crowd.

Of course, the pizza comes out late (yes, we’re hosting this at a pizza parlor; why were you expecting business networking?!). Some people mingle. Others wait for me to prompt this networking. Me: I only have it to make it through an hour before I can drink away this humiliation.

I narrate how this will work, mention “we were expecting a mixed crowd, so I prepared for social and professional networking (so I won’t ask ‘If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?’),” and try to explain the bingo ice breaker – but some of the older men just don’t get it. Forget it; it’s an ice breaker. I need a megaphone. I’m sweating. No one can hear me. No one knows which way to rotate. People are repeating the opposite of what I said.

The first person I network with is Mr. Businessman. He says he’s been to many networking events. In fact, he specifies: “I teach group networking.” Great. Judge this failed spectacle.

“Well, I’d love to hear what advice you have,” I say. Should I be biting into this pizza while listening? Is that professional? Well, darn it, I’m hungry. “Like, what prompts I should use.” (Because I was going to ask “Who was your favorite superhero when you were little – and how does that relate to your profession?”)

Once I collected comment cards at the end, I assessed that the event was not as disastrous as I painted it. In fact, my biggest criticism was not starting on time (sorry, we waited until 7:05 PM; I guess there are no stragglers in the business world). However, I would not have worn moccasins.

Perks of Having a Work Mom

So I’ve probably mentioned before that I’m one of the youngest employees at work (I can no longer say youngest because we just hired someone younger than me). Sometimes being young means that you lack authority, or it means that no one listens to you, but on the bright side, it puts you in perfect position to have a work mom! And, let me tell you, work moms are great. I started on the same day as one work mom, who would give me advice (not limited to work advice), bring me snacks, remind me about mom-ish things and even bought me lunch or breakfast from time to time.

But what’s even better is having multiple work moms. Everyone chips in to make sure I feel taken care of. And they complement me on my outfits because I’m so in-style, which is actually hilarious because nothing I wear is in style, but I have them fooled because they figure that must be what the kids are wearing these days.

My work moms also understand when I bring in cheetohs or brownies to our monthly breakfast, because "at their age they weren’t cooking either". Off the hook! And yes – I really did bring in brownies and cheetohs before to our breakfast.

Balanced with the fact that my work moms do actually trust me to do my job, and respect me when I am doing my work, being mom-ed is actually endearing. When I was talking about it with another younger co-worker, she said she didn’t like it. I get that they don’t treat anyone else this way, but let’s be honest; my work moms took care of me on my birthday when we barely recognize anyone else’s birthday at all. I’ll take the special treatment.

20 Times I Knew I Must be an Adult

Here's a non-exhaustive list of times the thought, "So this is adulthood," struck me pretty strong. Without further adieu, in no particular order:

1. Scheduling my own doctor's appointment and having to fill out all that obnoxious paperwork.
2. Going pants shopping and purchasing them from the women's section instead of the junior's section.
3. Buying the women's jeans and being excited about how well they fit and how much coverage they provide.
4. Wanting sneakers at Firefly, despite them not going with my outfit. However, I still packed like a kid and went with the cute shoes instead.
5. Having people trust me enough to work from home.
6. Dealing with the bullshit that is car trouble. Times three.
7. Having to request time off to go home (well, now my parent's house I guess) and not just being assigned a time to leave (like college breaks).
8. Needing to recruit a chaperone when I needed my wisdom teeth out, rather than just having my mom around for it.
9. Giving a presentation about my job and being thought of as the "professional opinion." Then doing a good enough job to be asked to do it several times more.
10. Handing out business cards.
11. Being included on a recipe email chain, and actually having something of merit to provide.
12. Taking over the title on my car AND paying my own insurance for it, which is also in my name.
13. Going to my mailbox to receive nothing but bank statements and bills, rather than care packages and holiday themed cards.
14. Laying in bed all night stressing about work.
15. Laying in bed all night and not being able to whine to my mother about it.
16. Things breaking around the house and not being able to just leave it for my dad to fix.
17. Missing holidays, birthdays and other social outings because of work.
18. Spending money on things freely and not feeling terribly ridden with guilt for spending my parent's money frivolously.
19. Filling out my own taxes (albeit with a lot of help from my dad).
20. Having to pack my own lunch everyday.

Were there any times that you were ever overwhelmed by feelings of adulthood? Leave 'em in the comments! :)

My First Time Interviewing Someone

I've been through lots of interviews where people have been asking me questions. From trying to get scholarships for school to getting jobs, I would say I've been interviewed at least 20 times. But I've never interviewed someone else before today. Never before have I been in the drivers seat with someone else's livelihood in my hands. And let me tell you, being the interviewer probably made me more nervous than the person I was interviewing. I wanted to ask good questions that allowed her to explain herself, yet difficult enough questions to reveal something about her.

It's a challenge finding a happy mix of tough and informative. Also, I don't want to be THAT person that you leave the interview room cursing under your breath because they were so tough. I can't tell you what she thought of me when she left, but she did end up getting the job, so apparently I did a good enough job interviewing her for my boss to learn about her and make a judgement call. So far she's been an asset to our projects and I've enjoyed her in the office.

Here is my favorite question I asked, why I asked it, and what I gleaned from it:

Have you encountered a time that you had a creative difference with a client or coworker, and how did you handle it? This question is essential for the field I am in, as well as the job she was applying for. We have creative differences all the time in my office, which is never a bad thing. We just are all creative people with unique ideas on how to solve the problem. I wanted someone that would say they would vocalize their ideas and work towards a way to use all of our creative ideas for the betterment of the project.

She didn't seem like one of those people that were rigid in their thinking and do not listen to creative solutions, so I liked her more.

I also think my interview was successful because I avoiding stupid cliche interview questions such as "What's your biggest weakness?" which guarantees that you'll get some bullshit answer that doesn't allow you to gain any insight into their character.

Here's hoping she's a good fit and I can pat myself on the back for interviewing and selecting a winner!

On Being Sorry

I apologize if this opinion piece offends you. Wait, no I don't. I have a right to have opinions, and people have a right to disagree with them, so why do I always apologize for expressing myself? Often at work I know something relevant and do not share with my boss for fear she will disagree, or when I correct her, I apologize. Why? Why should I apologize for having expertise and wanting to help the situation? Do I really need to apologize for being right or having a different but equally important opinion?

I apologize in arguments all the time to make them end, especially in relationships I care about most. Even when I know I am right or giving in, I'll just apologize to make the conflict go away.

I never considered the implications of my over-apologizes until I talked with my slightly older project manager. When you are apologizing, you are admitting a level of guilt. Why do I- and some other women in work- admit guilt in situations just to spare people's emotions? My coworker and I had an insightful dialogue about it, and in the end I realized I need to stop apologizing.

I have opinions and thoughts and do not need to be sorry about it. Just because I am young does not mean my authority in my field is not adequate. Even when I am wrong, I shouldn't have to feel bad about it because people are wrong all the time. As long as I can balance between enforcing my authority and considering people's feelings, I should be able to make a contribution without apologies.

So go out there and have creative differences and work to the best possible outcome in a respectfully unapologetic fashion.

When the Life Plan Doesn't Happen

When I was growing up, I had my life entirely planned out. Now that I am at the threshold of my life that I was planning for, I have realized it is in no way what little me thought it would be.  While what I pictured for myself was pretty fantastic- depending on which version of now we are talking about- the "plan" I have for my life now is even better. When I was in elementary school, I had a plan that I was going to be married and be a meteorologist by now. I also envisioned living in a house similar to my Barbie's mansion, which was pretty cool. Needless to say, that version of my life didn't quite pan out.  While the Barbie mansion would be an upgrade, I must confess being unwed and not wrongly predicting weather is better than if this dream had come true.

In middle school, I thought by now I would be at NASA launching rockets into space. I'm not even kidding, I thought it was someone's sole responsibility to press the button to make the rocket go into space.  When I found out that those people are called "Rocket Scientists" and do excessively more than pressing a button, that dream died.

During my high school years, I did not have as much of a "plan" as before, but I did focus all of my energy on finding a way out of my town. I applied to no college within the state, except for my "safety" school. Then I proceeded to pick a college to go to based on how far away it was and how affordable it was.

When I was a freshman in college, I remember picking my major and knowing that by the time I graduated, I would have a job working for a huge public relations firm and in a serious relationship. I am 0-2 in that category.

However, working for a tiny social media company and selling makeup on the side (while not planned) actually perfectly fits me.  I have more leeway on creativity than if I was writing structured press releases all the time. I get to dapple in a bit more of everything because it is such as small company too, which keeps me from getting bored.  I am making less than I would elsewhere, but I get a whole lot more say in what we do, as well as more flexibility in what I am doing.

Despite having failed at every career and milestone goal I had planned out for my life thus far, I am glad none of my previous plans came into fruition. Sometimes you can't plan the life that you should have. It just happens and makes you happier than any other plan could have in ways that you couldn't have even imagined for yourself.

How to Love Social Media

I hated social media for a bit, mainly because of FOMO (click here for a flashback to my issues with anxiety online). As a public relations student, one of the main jobs you get straight out of college in these days is doing social media. I vowed to myself I wasn't going into social media. I already got stressed with my own pages, so why would I want to do it all the time as a job? Then I got an internship in social media, which was the most healing experience between me and social media. It reframed my mind and made me feel a lot less anxiety about being on social media. Here's all the ways working in social media has helped me feel better about my life on social media:

1. You are posting for people other than yourself. This makes spending all day on Facebook healthier because you're on someone else's newsfeed and not stalking out your friends profiles and wondering why their lives seem so much more fulfilling.

2. It tuckers you out. I used to spend all my free time on social media, but since I do it for a living now, I don't really want to waste more time on it after work. I basically check it on my phone and then put it down and refocus on something else that I haven't been doing all day.

3. It helped me mature. I used to follow some whiners. It was a huge sobfest on my timelines, which did nothing but make me want to complain and gave me a negative worldview. Once I made it into the industry professionally, I started connecting with relevant people and my timeline went from a high school locker room to a forum for articulate discussion.

4. Probably the most important part about working in social media for me has been understanding it as a way to no longer feel social anxiety. I get it all now. I understand the practical and pragmatic networking abilities and it stops becoming such a powerful emotional experience. Transitioning from this heavily emotional forum to a logical outlet for communication has helped me respect social media more and feel less possessed by it.

I'm not saying that everyone should work in social media to feel better about it (because then I would be out of a job), but once you stop letting social media dictate how you feel, life becomes a lot less stressful.

How to Afford the Real World

Disclaimer: I am not a finance person. I once took a personal finance class and sometimes did some of the homework for it. I grew up upper-middle class and went to college with an extremely generous backing from my parents. Essentially all I had to afford was shampoo and conditioner. So now that college is over, I am expected to be a self-sufficient person. Here's what I've learned so far in regards to transitioning off your parents budget onto your own:

Another Disclaimer: When I say "my own budget", that excludes my cell phone bill and car insurance, as well as a send-home traffic violation ticket, which my parents are still paying for.

Realize whose budget you're now on. When I was on my parents budget, I was used to going out to dinner and ordering whatever I wanted. Now I realize that that steak dinners are only for people that make real money.

Get in the right mindset. I constantly tell myself I am poor. If you remind yourself everyday that you don't have money, you'll end up saving A LOT of money. Even now, when my funds are not terrifyingly low, I still remind myself that I don't have a seemingly endless supply of money anymore.

Prioritize. This is the section that I take most seriously. Know what is worth spending your money on (think back to my earlier blog about being thoughtful with who to share your money with too). While I can tell you that giving priorities to your pennies is essential, I am giving out no advice on what those priorities should be, as mine are questionable. My priorities lie in consumption, fun, and being young. I spend no money on clothes or shoes because my priority is having money to go out rather than to have going out clothes without money to go out with.

Just don't buy things. This may seem obvious, but it's how I spent so little money when I moved out. I just didn't buy things. My headboard is from my parents. My mattress was a gift from my parents when they thought my free mattress was inhumane to make me sleep on. My bookshelf and cd rack is from the side of the road. And I haven't invested a penny past that for things that normal people may see as essential for a room, such as a dresser or night tables. One day, when the plastic containers and crates holding my clothes gets too tacky for me, then I might invest in real people furniture.

Coupons and happy hours (aka get a plan). I got myself a Kroger's card and now base all my purchasing decisions off of what Kroger puts on sale that week. My friends and I plan to go places where drinks are cheap at certain times on certain days. That way I can indulge, yet still remind myself that I am a young struggling professional now.

Enjoy it. Struggling isn't actually bad. We're all there, or have been. My roommates are in the same boat, and we paddle along with each other. We help each other when one is having a better week than the other and laugh about it when we're eating frozen pizza together. It's a bonding experience that reminds us we are independent young people making it work. It's fun to know I fund my own life and its exciting watching money going in and out of my account.

Life is exhilarating out here in the real world, even when it means your budget is the smallest it has ever been before.

Why don't you just think about yourself for once?

I took a personal finance class before graduating so I'd know how to function like a real adult. Sadly being an adult is hard, even with a class about how to function as an independent person. Yes I know how I'm supposed to budget, how I'm supposed to save, and how I'm supposed to invest, but knowing how to do things doesn't make the actions any easier. It's a tough world out here for twenty something's. I know that. I'm making a pitiful salary, eating canned soup like fruits and veggies cease to exist, and constantly wonder if ill be able to afford the bills. But beyond all that, the toughest part for me has been learning how to ration off my giving. Now is the part where I'd seem like a good person if I said I was giving to a charity, but no, I mean giving my money away to friends.

Again, I know what it feels like for bills to be tight, so when people come to me asking for a bit of help, I always say yes. $20 to a friend who is missing a bit of cash flow. Dinner for a friend because he can't afford it. Drinks for my other friend who seemed like they weren't enjoying themselves. Hell, I am about to invest in buying theme park tickets because I felt bad that the person said they needed the money desperately. Helping people is wonderful, but it all adds up.

So here's what I've learned as a young adult. Be generous, but watch for a return. I don't just mean returning money. I mean returning the favor down the line. If you're constantly picking up the tab, that's not right. If you're constantly paying and not hearing a genuinely grateful thank you, just stop. That's called being used. And that's a black hole that you will just keep throwing money into until the end of time.

Give money to people that will pay you back. Give money to people that return the favor occasionally. Cook dinner for your roommates that are super sharers with you. Or at least give your money and foodstuffs to people that care about you and would be there for you on a darker day. Just make sure your investing your money in people worth eating canned soup for.