As Told Over Brunch

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The Skeletons in my Google Search History

Sometimes you just start talking and things come up that merit a quick Google search to learn more. Or sometimes events happen in your life that cause you to search for answers...on Google. And almost all of the time--at least for me--they are either bizarre, inappropriate, hilarious, or a combination of the three. Here is a cross section of my (better?) Google searches.

How much does an abortion cost?

I am big on equality and women's reproductive rights (and rights in general), so sometimes people naturally assume that I know a lot about laws, politics and procedures around these rights. I don't. Politics are probably the single genre of facts I know least about. Nor do I actually know that much about controversial pieces of these laws. I just know what I believe.

But someone asked me once how much an abortion costs, you know, because I know about women's rights. I had absolutely no idea, so I Googled. But what makes it odder is I then had another conversation about abortions with someone else, and they also assumed I knew how much they cost.

Lucky for me, I now know off the top of my head roughly what you can expect to pay for an abortion. It's a lot. My PSA here is that there are way better ways to not have a baby than abortions, so let's try to avoid them.

Is asymptomatic diabetes real?

I don't blame myself for this one. I admitted at work once that I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, and that I once convinced myself I had diabetes because I was thirsty all the time. If you kept scrolling past diabetes on WebMD, you'd soon find out that common hay fever also makes you thirsty (much more likely, especially considering I've been a lifelong sufferer of hay fever).

As I'm finishing admitting this out loud, my coworker asks (with a straight face), "Did you ever consider you might have asymptotic diabetes, anyway?"

Not until now, but thanks.

Googling forever.

What does it mean when your foot goes numb?

This is one side effect I get when on an elliptical. Along with boredom, sweatiness and mild depression. But really, I'm only worried about my right foot that tends to go numb on the machine. Googled for my answer on that one, and what I found out was almost too obvious it hurts to admit I had to Google for it.

But here we go: your shoe is either too small or tied too tight. Whoops. It's definitely the latter. 

Maximum amount of weight you can gain in one day

You may recall I dieted for a while. Well, now I don't diet, but am committed to living a healthier lifestyle. Living a healthier lifestyle probably means I shouldn't go to an all day drinking event, preceded by pastries and sandwiches and followed with more beer and pizza. Inquiring minds (me, just me) wanted to know what kind of damage I was getting myself into for the day of consumption I had planned. Thankfully, you can safely scarf down an elephant and expect to gain nothing as long as it's a one day deal. Feast away, my friends.

Honorable mention: Truffle butter.

We've all probably heard that catchy Drake and Nicki song called Truffle Butter. We got to talking about that song at work one day, and someone asked me what it means.

Trust me, you don't want to know.

I know this because my friend told me once in a non-work setting, which I will never repeat. But that didn't help the rest of 'em. So someone else had to do the dirty deed and Google for it to share with the rest of the crew. Dodged a damn bullet because no way do I need that one added to my search history, or really taking up any more space in my memory.

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