As Told Over Brunch

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The Uninvited Houseguest

As an extrovert, there are some nights I just want to be around people. I don't want to drink. You don't need to get dressed up. I just want to sit in proximity to Homo sapiens.

This becomes a struggle when your best friend is in California, your roommate is going to bed, and no one is opening your Snapchat. What do I do?

So I texted Sara's roommate, Kim. Kim responds that she is studying. Well, I'll fix that. Except, as a grad student, I respect when someone needs to plow through study material. Kim then says that her other two roommates are watching TV and I can join them.

Me: "How much longer will they be watching? I have to evaluate whether the walk over is worth it."

Kim: "For a while."

Me: "On my way!"

Heading out the door, I grabbed some Starburst jellybeans that my parents gave me at Easter. Halfway to my friends' house, Kim texts that one of the roommates has gone to bed. What is this betrayal?

Me: "I am three blocks away."

Kim: "Alix is still watching TV."

I proceed onward. Now I have a key to Sara's house from the one time I dog-sat for her roommate a year ago, and I've just never returned the key because it's easier to let myself in than to knock and wait for someone to unlock the door. So I let myself in this night.

Indeed Alix is watching TV, but she stares startled at the door. We have this awkward moment.

Me: " . . . Did you not know I was coming over?"

Alix: "I knew it was you, because you're the only one with a key, but I didn't know you were coming over."

Long pause.

Me: "Uhh. Well, Kim told me you were watching TV and I could join. (And I am a lonely extrovert, rescue me!) Where is Kim?"

I step further into the room. Through the open doorway, Kim sits at the kitchen table highlighting a textbook. She does not look up.

Me: "So Kim said nothing?"

Alix: "No, she's just been studying."

Me: "Well . . . I can leave?"

Alix: "You're welcome to watch TV with me. But I'm not doing anything exciting. I'm probably going to bed in 30."

Thankfully, I'm at the level where I feel I'm not being too intrusive if I took Alix up on this offer, so I stayed through an episode of Game of Thrones. I nibbled on my jellybeans. Alix laughed that I brought snacks.

Eventually Kim stirs from her studying. "Hey, Cazey," she says.

Me: "Hi, Kim. Thank you for letting everyone know I was coming over."

Kim: "No problem."

Me: "Did you even ask them how much longer they'd be watching TV?"

Kim shrugged. "Nah. I knew you'd come over, and I love watching awkward situations."

Me: "You weren't even aware when I walked through the door."

Kim: "But I knew it'd be awkward, so I can still laugh."

The moral here is, Always group text.

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