Once upon a time, I went through a break-up. Slowly over time people began to slide in minor bits of feedback about what they didn’t like about him in conversations. And then every now and then, it wasn’t minor.

I kept asking why no one would say those things when we were together. I mean, you see red flags that I didn’t, and you just let me keep playing on the train tracks!? What’s the point of having friends if they won’t have your back?

In March, I became a doctor. No, not a medical doctor—but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a doctor. I spent nearly six tortured years in the Ivory Tower, thank you very much.

Becoming a doctor did not immediately feel very different other than when people called me “Doctor” as if a slip of the tongue. When my adviser congratulated me after my defense, he called me “Dr. Williams.”

That’s it? I’m just a doctor now?

A couple of months ago, I published some haikus, all inspired by real life events that either I or a friend experienced. Here’s my followup.

Not having someone
To send texts that I regret -
What a boring brunch.

In the last few weeks, I have pondered the hardest “Would you rather?” Here goes – brace yourself, readers – would you rather love someone more than they love you, or would you rather love them less?

I did not find this existential, if not philosophical, burden in a book or an online forum. Instead, I came to experience the dichotomy of liking someone too little and then, with horrible PTSD, recalling the times I liked another more than they liked me.

I will illustrate both for you. In the late winter, I dated a girl for several months. I remember my excitement when we first started going out. I especially remember a Saturday afternoon text she sent: “What are you doing?” Genuine interest in my existence!

I’ve written — somewhat brazenly naively — about apologizing when you’re not sorry to smooth over social situation. To progress this dialogue past where I was when I was 23: sometimes as a woman, it’s difficult to assert yourself, advocate for yourself and do so in a mature, respectful yet unapologetic way.

From a young age, we’re reminded to take care of other people’s feelings, but we don’t often dig into truly how to be your own advocate. I find myself often at an intersection of wanting to prioritize my needs, but fear what “they” will think.

For the last several years, I have been someone who’s gotten really into music. Playing my song of the week or the season is an instant mood booster, and waking up listening to a song stuck in my head is a fast way to get me out of bed.

For some #MondayMotivation, I thought I would share some songs that I keep returning to (and this is a better platform than sharing them in my Instagram stories). Some are old, some are new, all are special.

A couple weeks ago (my turnaround time on blog posts lately have been atrocious), I promised ‘more to come’ at the end of a post about Lasik and how that surgery seemed to be the first falling domino is a series of events that led to some serious introspection and soul-searching.

Welp, I wish I didn’t promise that. I don’t quite have a full thought yet to share, so I’ll just do a collection of bits I’ve saved into my phone and call them advice.

A few weeks ago, I ran into an acquaintance I had not seen in years. We met up at a wine bar a few days after to catch up. Sara soon entered the conversation. Sara and I lived in the same freshman year dorm as did my acquaintance, but my acquaintance couldn’t distinctly remember Sara. I pulled up a photo.

“I think I remember her,” my acquaintance said. “Does she have a brother?”

“She does, but I don’t think you’d know him.” Sara is from Connecticut, her brother never went to college with us, and my acquaintance is from Virginia like me.

Believe it or not, we all live in a world that once existed without social media. We were all likely more present, less consumed with who was breaking up or getting back together or in a situationship with whom, who got a promotion, who was laid off, where other people were vacationing, and what our online “friends” we knew from elementary school ate for brunch last weekend. As a millennial, I’m very much aware of the world of social media and the appeal and sometimes unpleasant impact it’s had on our culture and the world.

We literally have the world and just about everything happening in it, at our fingertips. Have you ever taken time to let that thought marinate for a while?