A couple of months ago, I published some haikus, all inspired by real life events that either I or a friend experienced. Here’s my followup.
Not having someone
To send texts that I regret -
What a boring brunch.
Not having someone
To send texts that I regret -
What a boring brunch.
In the last few weeks, I have pondered the hardest “Would you rather?” Here goes – brace yourself, readers – would you rather love someone more than they love you, or would you rather love them less?
I did not find this existential, if not philosophical, burden in a book or an online forum. Instead, I came to experience the dichotomy of liking someone too little and then, with horrible PTSD, recalling the times I liked another more than they liked me.
I will illustrate both for you. In the late winter, I dated a girl for several months. I remember my excitement when we first started going out. I especially remember a Saturday afternoon text she sent: “What are you doing?” Genuine interest in my existence!Read More
I’ve written — somewhat brazenly naively — about apologizing when you’re not sorry to smooth over social situation. To progress this dialogue past where I was when I was 23: sometimes as a woman, it’s difficult to assert yourself, advocate for yourself and do so in a mature, respectful yet unapologetic way.
From a young age, we’re reminded to take care of other people’s feelings, but we don’t often dig into truly how to be your own advocate. I find myself often at an intersection of wanting to prioritize my needs, but fear what “they” will think.Read More
A couple weeks ago (my turnaround time on blog posts lately have been atrocious), I promised ‘more to come’ at the end of a post about Lasik and how that surgery seemed to be the first falling domino is a series of events that led to some serious introspection and soul-searching.
Welp, I wish I didn’t promise that. I don’t quite have a full thought yet to share, so I’ll just do a collection of bits I’ve saved into my phone and call them advice.Read More
Believe it or not, we all live in a world that once existed without social media. We were all likely more present, less consumed with who was breaking up or getting back together or in a situationship with whom, who got a promotion, who was laid off, where other people were vacationing, and what our online “friends” we knew from elementary school ate for brunch last weekend. As a millennial, I’m very much aware of the world of social media and the appeal and sometimes unpleasant impact it’s had on our culture and the world.
We literally have the world and just about everything happening in it, at our fingertips. Have you ever taken time to let that thought marinate for a while?Read More
At the beginning of this year, I selected new health insurance that included very cheap (we’re talking $3 a month) vision insurance. There was a single line that mentioned that the vision insurance could be used to offset the cost of Lasik, which I wanted on the table as an option. Then I mentioned my far-off idea to my now ex-boyfriend (which is for another day), who has gotten Lasik. I’d never met someone who’d had it before, so then it seemed a bit less far-off.Read More
One of my favorite dad jokes is to walk into an empty restaurant, turn to a friend and say, “Like how I rented it out for you?”
No one ever laughs, so I keep saying it, waiting for it to land. FINALLY my friend chuckled when I said it as we walked into Perch for brunch this Sunday. We considered making reservations, but since we showed up at 10:03 a.m. and the place opens at 10 a.m., we thought we’d be safe.
And that we were.Read More
Late last year, I attended a friend of a friend’s party. “Attend” is the optimal verb because I was not explicitly invited. Instead, my friend was, and she suggested I drop by. I had met the party’s hosts on several occasions, but I would never expect them to necessarily recognize me on the sidewalk nor would any sort of friendship honestly permit the behavior I’m about to describe.
Before the party, I had been at two other gatherings where I helped myself to some beverages, including 100-proof Captain Morgan. I knew my friend had another friend visiting from out of town who we’ll “Veronica.” I met Veronica earlier in the day, and while I had been told she was attractive and verified this claim via photos, in person she stunned the eye. I detected the faint possibility that she may be receptive to my courting.Read More
This past spring, Sara and I traveled to Thailand for fun. On our sixth day, we stayed in Koh Phi Phi, an island in southern Thailand known for its pristine waters, lots of tourists, and Monkey Beach. Sara and I decided we wanted to snorkel while here, so on our last day we set out.
I used the bathroom before we left our hotel, but on our commute to snorkeling, I realized I needed to go again. I didn’t panic because I figured there would be a restroom at the pickup location. Of course, this was Thailand; American customs like public restrooms are not the norm. However, many tourist ventures catered toward typical Anglo-Saxon luxuries, so why wouldn’t there be a toilet?
After we checked in, I asked the tour leader if they had a bathroom. “No bathroom,” she replied.
In a flash, I envisioned the next six hours: a handful of basic strangers isolated on a tiny boat in the Indian Ocean, my pounding intestines and stricken body, sweating and in misery and not enjoying a singular second. I could not get on that boat without using the bathroom again; there was no hesitation in my resolution. I would rather just not go than be threatened by the future I saw.Read More
A friend recently asked me how many exes I have. Confidently, I replied, “2.87.”
Of course, I am no King Solomon and did not halve my last “ex.” (We’ll define an ex in a second here.) Or, more likely, quarter her. Instead, exes can be defined on a weighted scale. We may assign a weight of 1 to the person who you probably should’ve and maybe did call your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” By that, I mean the person lasted (probably) three months or more and the duration of romance included mutual confessions of affection and possibly some public hand-holding or kissing (maybe more!! Insert winking emoji). Fiancé(e)s are given a score of a 2, and ex-spouses (or partners that lasted over half a decade) are given a 3. Naturally, the scale is sliding and up for debate in philosophical circles.
To accumulate my whopping score of 2.87 exes, I summed the skeletons of some half-dozen flings over the last decade (it’s frightening when I can speak of my life in decades). I have never had a complete ex; that is, an ex-girlfriend whose weight would be 1. My highest assigned value would be given to someone who I do conversationally call my “ex” because she is, in fact, the most significant ex of my past…but ex- what? Her score is a 0.66. We dated, yes, but we didn’t date date. She just meant a lot to me. In fact, she meant 0.66 to me of what a theoretical actual girlfriend would mean to me. (I’m half-joking.)Read More