For a recent blog post, I asked my friends for times I have said too much in a conversation. My friend Justin responded, “When don’t you? You need to blog about all the times you’re a cheapskate.”
I decided he’s exactly right. After all, I went to Copenhagen, Denmark for $470 and refused to purchase a seat assignment or luggage, meaning I only brought 11 lbs. onto the plane with me just because I didn’t want to pay the additional fares. At $470, I think I could have afforded fees.
I doubt I’m the only twenty-something who still insists on pregames. But I really should stop calling them pregames. It’s more like, “This is the game.” At the bar I never get a drink.
And before you get your stockings in a knot (or whatever the saying is), I tip the bartender for water, so I’m not stiffing them.
Friends: “Get at least one drink. Please.”
Me: “Sure, let me pay upwards of $6 for a thirty-fifth of a handle of Aristocrat vodka mixed with five cents worth of soda and ice. Sure!”
I used to say Starbucks was expensive, not because I thought it was that expensive, but everyone always cites that. But I’ve realized it’s no more expensive than your local coffee shops. And while I like supporting mom-and-pop shops, Starbucks has the most caffeine. Also, every twelfth drink at Starbucks used to be free because I have a Starbucks gold card, so no, we’re not going to Dunkin’ or McDonald’s or insert-fair-trade-café-nearby.
I did find a new place in Richmond that sorta beats this deal: Main Street Coffee on (wait for it) Main Street and 11th downtown. Every eighth drink is free. Now this is something I can take espresso shots to.
Also, since I always drink iced coffee, if I don’t finish my coffee that day, I don’t throw it away. No, ladies and gentlemen, I carry the cup home and put it in my fridge. And then I drink it the next day. Or in two days.
Coffee ages like wine.
I’m a notorious walker. People see me walking everywhere. This is both a cheapskate and a lifestyle thing. I will always opt to walk before we drive.
It’s two miles away? Why don’t we take a stroll?
It’s $5 to park for two hours? And you say we can’t walk? Why don’t we go somewhere else?
And if we get an Uber, you betcha we’re splitting that fare.
“Have you accepted the split yet?!”
I’ve basically just given up dating. It was a waste of money. It was always me covering the coffee and/or the meal (I always suggest coffee if I’m suggesting, but some people insist on $38 in pizza).
Fact check: I probably only went on seven dates in 2015. It really killed my budget.
The New York Times
About a year ago, I made the mistake of liking The New York Times on Facebook. Ever since my newsfeed has been inundated with their articles. And unfortunately, they have some really catchy headlines. And some really good writers. (Unlike Elite Daily who I un-liked on Facebook because their clickbait headlines were not worth my time.) And unfortunately, you can only access ten free articles a month.
That doesn’t even equate to one chapter in a book. Isn’t journalism about integrity? Don’t you want an informed citizenship?
Anyway, I could probably afford to pay for the Times. It’s $1/week if you’re a student (which I am). But instead, I insist on clicking over to Google Chrome’s incognito window where it can’t tell my browser has already viewed my ten free articles that month.
This is an especially aggravating task on my phone. You can’t copy links off the Facebook app and into the browser. I actually have to remember the article’s headline (or toggle between apps) and Google the headline with “NYT” tacked on. Then I can find the free version of the article.
$52 might honestly be worth it. But I don’t even pay for Spotify. Why would I pay for something that betters my intellect?
Obviously I’m cheap about food. That’s the number one thing cheapskates hone in on. I’m always trying to get some free food. Even if I don’t like the food.
For example, remember when Chipotle gave out free burritos for those people who supposedly tried going to Chipotle the one morning they were closed, but couldn’t (because they were closed)? Because it’s such an inconvenience to choose another a fast food joint and, believe me, E. coli/Listeria/salmonella won’t catch you if it’s a free burrito.
Anyway, I got in on that deal for a free burrito. I, who had no intention of going to Chipotle that day. This was probably my third time at Chipotle in two years. I even texted all my friends about the deal. (They all responded they already knew. “And where was my text, guys?”)
But don’t worry. Chipotle got its revenge. I showed up, and they immediately knew I was a noob because they spoke so fast and I had to ask them to repeat the options.
Chipotle: “Burrito, bowl, taco, or salad?”
Me: “Bowl please.”
Chipotle: “Steak, carnitas, barbacoa, chicken, or sofritas?”
Me: “Chicken. And steak. Is double meat free?”
Chipotle: “Yes. Cornhotmediummild?”
Chipotle: “Corn, hot, medium, or mild?”
My bowl rang up at $12.91. Who knew you could get a tortilla retailed at the price point of an Olive Garden entrée?
In my two previous Chipotle trips, I have never felt full after finishing a burrito bowl. This night was a different story. Halfway through, I remarked upon the child within me. But I persevered. It had been free.
For the next 24 hours I endured a miscarriage of bloating, gassiness, and pure ickiness. I walked away understanding I might be allergic to beans.
But if I’m offered beans in the future for free? I might take a bite.
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