We're surprised it's not trending on Facebook yet, but Tinder - the grimier of today's dating apps - has launched a subscription service. As in, you will need to pay to swipe right if you want certain perks. You know, because you've met so many gems on Tinder that a subscription will totally be worth it.
What does this mean for us American twenty-somethings?
Rewind your swipe. Is anyone invested enough that they need to pay $9.99/month to undo an accidental left swipe? I frigging hope not. We are not Rose on a door in the Atlantic crying, "Come back, Jack." We will just swipe right to the next door. He'll circle back to you eventually, anyway, and let's be real, he probably wasn't going to be that great. To the bottom of the cyber ocean he goes. Forget Jack.
Change your location. Wait, you mean I can swipe anywhere in the world now?! This is such a breakthrough! Especially since Tinder's main selling point back in the day was finding people online near you. Guess not anymore. Now I can swipe through the Swedish locals looking for my high school crush who's now an au pair! Or better yet, I can find Carmen Sandiego.
No ads. This should be a given. Anytime you pay for an app, there better be no pop-ups. But wait: Did Tinder have ads to begin with? Because I'm sorry, I would have swiped right to Papa John's plenty of nights, but that was never an option.
Old people pay more. The monthly rate doubles once you reach 30. Though this could be called age-ism, it's not like we can't censor old people currently by adjusting our age preferences nor is it like old people can't just lie about how old they really are. Currently this affects no one in the twenty-something bracket. (We did suffer momentary concern that we could be single at 30 and be on Tinder - concerned not about being single, but the fact we're using Tinder at 30. We hope to migrate to eHarmony by then.)
Free "self-control." This is actually part of free Tinder aka the unpaid version. You now have a limited number of swipes each day, which means we won't stay up so late anymore judging the trout the guy is holding or the the duck face the woman is making. Though we will judge harder now, if we even thought that was possible.
All in all, we probably shouldn't judge Tinder Plus so fast. In fact, we haven't even used it. Sara suggested Cazey pay for Tinder Plus so we could legitimately review it. But no, not even for our dedicated readers were we going to drop an Alexander Hamilton for that sh*t.
So swipe right with your credit card at your own risk. Or maybe this could be a wake up call for us all to use that $9.99 we just saved from not using Tinder Plus to go buy a drink for the cutie at a bar instead of hoping we can swipe our way to victory with them.