Some people are bothered by people chewing with their mouths open. Others hate when you read texts over their shoulder. We all have our pet peeves. And for a while I struggled to identify my own. People reading emails and not replying in a timely manner does annoy me, but I don’t get heated about that like people do about other self-proclaimed pet peeves.
But recently I discovered what really gets my blood boiling. I started noticing my exasperation a couple of months ago, and steadily my rage has piled up.
What is it, you ask?
It is the most first world millennial problem ever. (But who’s surprised?)
BUT WHAT THE F**K IS UP WITH PEOPLE POSTING INSTAGRAMS WITH CROOKED HORIZONS?
It is 2016. Instagram releases updates monthly. I’m pretty sure they released a tool just for adjusting the horizon THREE MONTHS AGO. So why, in Earth’s unhallowed name, is your sky/ocean/cityscape skyline crooked?
I get it. Our hands aren’t tripods. Snapshots can be skewed. There might be a 15-degree tilt to that beach ‘gram. Or the buildings in your photo might have a slight case of scoliosis. But guess what? There is a tool for addressing this! You don’t have to be diagonal or slanted or skewed or crooked or WRONG! You could be right. Like a right angle.
Here. Go to Instagram. Choose the crooked photo you want to post. Now go to “Adjust.” Its icon even shows you what it does: it fixes crooked horizons. And do you know how distracting a 35-degree slant is? I can’t admire the aesthetic beauty of your image. I am just too consumed wondering whether you did this on purpose or you’re an idiot or probably both.
So you click “Adjust,” and then you adjust. Wow. Amazing. A miracle. Your photo is now even more aesthetically pleasing. Sometimes Instagram even suggests the appropriate modifications. You know your photo’s curvature is bad when it does that. Instagram is begging you to adjust. So why don’t you?? You can even use the provided grid lines to make sure you made the precise adjustment. All the tools are in your hands! You can do it! You can! I promise! Just fix the photo!
Every day I see this tragedy. I log onto Instagram, I see a beautiful photo – sharpened oceans, saturated skies, high contrast birds, trees with extra structure, and selfies that were taken a hundred times until you hid that zit on your forehead that you’ve also used the Valencia filter to bury – but, what, why, how, the horizon is crooked.
If I was standing in this photo, I would be rolling off the beach into the churning, sharpened, saturated, high contrast, no shadow, Lo-Fi ocean. Or worse! Plummeting off of Earth into space, hurtling into nothingness, because there is apparently no gravity in this picture.
This dystopia and chaos these photos express pains me. I experience actual pain in my eyeballs – or, more realistically, my psyche. I can only bare so many microaggressions towards technology. I don’t know how many more massacred Instagrams I can endure. It’s like seeing a sick patient reject their medicine. The adjustment button was right there, and you spurned it!
I know, it’s silly. And I don’t know why it afflicts me so. I know it’s irrational.
BUT OMG PEOPLE FIX THE HORIZON
This needs to be a movement. We have to address this societal affliction. Selena Gomez told us there are more important things to talk about, and this is one of them.
And, okay, I might still like your photo. I might look past its deformity. And maybe we can still be friends. But I just wonder what the photo would look like if the horizon was FLAT.
Aren’t you wondering?
This isn’t kindergarten. We don’t show off ugly art anymore and put it on our fridge. So you shouldn’t post mutilated photos and accept me not to trash them. Please. Just #FixTheHorizon.
And answer your emails.