I preface this post by alerting the reader to two things:
1.) I look younger than my age.
2.) I often have a sense of a humor that no one else gets. Or at least they laugh a lot less loud than I do.
On the former, I have a brother who is five and a half years younger. We look relatively similar. When I return home, the lady at our local Chinese restaurant inevitably asks, “Are you the young one or the old one?”
Me: “What does the fortune cookie say?”
Last weekend I went home. My brother had left for his freshman year of college the day before. I ran into our neighbor while walking around the block with my mom. My neighbor then proceeded to have a conversation with us where she referred to me by my brother’s name multiple times. I failed to find a casual way to correct her, so just went with it until she turned to me and asked, “When do you leave for college?”
Me: “I left yesterday. I’m actually Cazey.”
This brings us to my Tinder profile. I updated it recently.
Women tend to complain when browsing Tinder that all men’s pictures are guns, deer, and fish. As for the females, I noted a propensity for declaring themselves “actually 18,” as in “I haven’t graduated high school, but I need to appear super cool and prepared for college hookups, so I’m gonna be on Tinder.” This is otherwise known as “growing up too fast.”
Women (at least Richmond, VA-based ones) also tend to declare they are on Tinder for friendship.
“Just moved to the area, here to make friends!”
This is akin to saying, “I didn’t come to this wedding for alcohol.” Like, have you tried MeetUp.com? Book clubs? You’re only going to meet friends of the opposite sex and/or sex you’re attracted to on here, you know that, right?
And no one – I mean, no one – is on Tinder for hookups. Or so they say in a caption below a picture of cleavage.
So I, in all my cleverness, devised a profile meant to celebrate irony and filter out those who won’t get my sense of humor. However, I soon learned no one gets my sense of humor and I only filtered myself out of being anyone’s match.
My profile said,
I’m here to make acquaintances, I’m actually 18, and I don’t hookup.
I also blog: AsToldOverBrunch.com.
I have to promote ATOB whenever I get the chance, you know?
I also included these profile pictures.
The last photo was to show I'm artsy, can't you see?
Since creating this profile, my match turnout – you know, those who swiped to me that I also swiped right to – has been less than stellar. But I’ve known for a while not everyone shares my idea of hilarity.
A few nights ago, at home with the roommates, I decided to read my profile aloud because I thought it was just that good. Cue:
“Does your profile really say that???”
Me: “…Yes. Isn’t it funny? Don’t you get it?”
Roommates: took my phone from me. “You actually look 18 in this photo. Everyone probably thinks you’re actually 18.”
Me: “But it’s irony.”
Roommates: “But you look 18.”
I promptly deleted the “jokes” from my profile and went on with life as a 24-year-old on Tinder.
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