Speed Networking Woes

By Cazey Williams In my life outside blogging, I happen to be events chair for my local alumni chapter. That job entails planning football viewings, happy hours and promoting friend making.

So my event idea was to coerce people who regularly attend our meetings to meet people different than the ones they already know and/or came with. I originally called it “speed dating,” but then decided we weren't trying to market to lusty singles, so let’s go with “speed networking” – because that’s what we’re doing. Except not in the professional sense; or at least that wasn't the primary goal. When I wrote up the event blurb, I put, “Emphasis on social.”

Okay, in hindsight, every name for the event was doomed. Social networking conjures notions of Facebooking and tweeting. Speed dating…well, this isn’t for hapless Valentines. And speed networking – please, keep your business cards in your pocket.

To keep the event lite (misspelled on purpose), I made a bingo sheet for an ice breaker. Each square had something related to our alma mater. I printed out a list of questions stolen from websites meant for both speed dating and networking.

The first person to arrive for the event was in a tan suit and had silver hair. Me internally: Crap. Like, I’m wearing moccasins. I almost wore shorts. We shake hands.

“This is my first event in several years,” Mr. Businessman says.

“What brought you out?”

“The speed networking. I love networking. I’ve been in sales for 16 years.”

“Well,” I think fast, “we’re expecting a mixed crowd, so it’s gonna be a little social, a little professional (not at all, I’m in moccasins). Hopefully you’ll get something out of it.”

“Can’t wait to find out.”

Oh, I can.

People trickle in. The assortment is mixed only by contrast: Me and my moccasins, 23 and in grad school, and everyone else years older and employed – or formerly employed. Gosh, I invited you here to make friends, not get you a job. One of my worst self-critiques is underperforming, and I would say a list of questions that includes “Star Wars or Star Trek?” is underperforming for this crowd.

Of course, the pizza comes out late (yes, we’re hosting this at a pizza parlor; why were you expecting business networking?!). Some people mingle. Others wait for me to prompt this networking. Me: I only have it to make it through an hour before I can drink away this humiliation.

I narrate how this will work, mention “we were expecting a mixed crowd, so I prepared for social and professional networking (so I won’t ask ‘If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?’),” and try to explain the bingo ice breaker – but some of the older men just don’t get it. Forget it; it’s an ice breaker. I need a megaphone. I’m sweating. No one can hear me. No one knows which way to rotate. People are repeating the opposite of what I said.

The first person I network with is Mr. Businessman. He says he’s been to many networking events. In fact, he specifies: “I teach group networking.” Great. Judge this failed spectacle.

“Well, I’d love to hear what advice you have,” I say. Should I be biting into this pizza while listening? Is that professional? Well, darn it, I’m hungry. “Like, what prompts I should use.” (Because I was going to ask “Who was your favorite superhero when you were little – and how does that relate to your profession?”)

Once I collected comment cards at the end, I assessed that the event was not as disastrous as I painted it. In fact, my biggest criticism was not starting on time (sorry, we waited until 7:05 PM; I guess there are no stragglers in the business world). However, I would not have worn moccasins.

Forget Finding a Female Mentor Just Because You're a Girl

In college, I was told that in order to be a successful female at her job, you needed a female mentor to follow, to teach you in the ways of being a successful female in a business. And I bought it. Here's some research on the subject. I picked a job with the expectation that because it was a female-led business, I would get a better handle on how to function as a female in the business world. Now that I've worked under her and under a male, I can't say that the logic of having a same-sex boss to aspire to is necessary. Firstly, those females that we are supposed to be aspiring to more than likely trained under a man. My first lady boss was in the first graduating class with women. That means she studied under men only and was probably in a class dominated by males. She went on to create, invent and run multiple businesses as a woman without having female mentor. Why can't we do that then?

Secondly, we are reinforcing gender differences if we demand that women need to emulate women. You can learn just as much from a male as a female. Yes, I agree that the relationship is different and the experience a man has in the workplace is and always will be different than a female. However, that doesn't mean that what a male can teach you doesn't amount to anything notable. I'd even go as far to argue that learning from a male gives you a competitive edge, as males historically dominate the workplace and still live above our glass ceiling.

I'm not going to generalize and say that my experience with both is the general whole for everyone, but what I've learned from my male mentor is far more valuable than what I learned from my female mentor. My female mentor chalks everything up to being a female and fighting against the stereotype that people place on you inherently if you have a vagina. My male mentor chalks everything up to being right and fighting for what you believe in because you know best in that situation.

Far more empowering.

Additionally, working under a female created a lot of the Queen Bee syndrome, where my movements below were seen as a combative and manipulative, when they really were just new ideas that I thought might work. I didn't get any support and anything I suggested was so quickly squished, it almost felt like it was done purposefully to make me realize where my place was. Working with a man, my new ideas are welcomed and seen as me trying to challenge the status quo in an effort to better the system. I have full support and a booming voice behind me cheering me on.

More respect and more purpose.

I may be making feminists everywhere writher, but I'm just laying it all out in the table. Having a male back you up is still a good thing. Is it better than having a female back you up? No. It's just an option that people don't place any significance on, when in reality, it does serve as a benefit.

Being a Small Fish in a Big Pond

There's something to be said for working in a small office and wearing a lot of hats, but there's even more to be said about being a gopher in a cubicle. I always thought small office work was more for me. Everyone would know me, I'd have more responsibility, and would have an opportunity to do more. To some extent, some of that was true, but there are more reasons to love a large office than I expected. I originally thought that I would be "just a number" at a large company, but I've never felt like that. Since day one, which admittedly was only a week and a day ago, everyone in my department either knew who I was, or at least was aware of my presence. My team makes the large office seem small. We work together and make the cubicle laden place seem like a little community. Coming from a small office, it is actually nice to be surrounded by so many people that are willing to help and bounce ideas off of. I have felt more creative and inspired with all of the talent that surrounds me daily.

Another myth I had in my head about large offices was that you only do one thing over and over again. Again, I am only in my second week, but there is much more content coming in, so while my role might be more narrow, there is actually much more variety now. Also, because I am doing a more narrow job, there is more potential for me to become really, really good at something, rather than workable across a variety of tasks.

I was also nervous about a large office because I thought there would be less trust in me. I could not be further from reality. Because they did intense background checks, several panel interviews, and a skills assessment, they were aware of my capabilities coming in, and therefore trusted me almost instantly. With a vetting process, I was posting tweets on my second day. By my second week, I have been granted full access to all social media accounts, given a phone and an ipad, and encouraged to offer my input at meetings.

My last major concern about a big office was I figured I would have less potential to make things happened. I pictured working at a big office being essentially like having my hands tied, in that there would be so many standard operating procedures that I would have no opportunity to be a change agent. However, being in a big company gives you opportunities to use all of these resources that are simply not available in a smaller office. If I think a Facebook post should be boosted, there is a budget for it. If I need color coded stickies, there is a whole office supplies closet to raid.

Beyond just overturning every notion I had about working in a large office, there has even been additional perks that I never expect. The obvious perks are tangibles like a new computer, a huge monitor, ipad, and iPhone with less flashy perks such as retirement plans, benefit packages, and life insurance also adding to the list. But beyond all of those work perks, there's something to be said for being surrounded by people constantly. While sometimes human interaction takes away from work, it drives me to work harder. When you are constantly seeing other people work passionately towards the same cause as you, there is no way you can slack off. While I can only see one way to get something done, there are constantly other ideas always improving my work.

So while I may be a small fish in a big pond these days, I'm a highly important little guppy making the ecosystem healthier.

Making my Office More Conducive to My Creativity

I do some of my best thinking in some pretty identifiable places. I know myself well enough to know that when I need to think about an important matter I need to get to a certain place. Furthermore, I know where I need to go to feel most creative. My office desk doesn't fall into either of these categories. That made me think:

What if I could make my office more like all of my most intellectually stimulating zones?

The Shower

Hands down, if I need to clear my head or make a major decision, I take a shower. Naturally, I wanted to contemplate why the shower is such a good place for me to think, so I got in the shower. Here's the list of answers I came up with:

• I am alone with my thoughts.
• There are no distractions.
• I feel safe.
• I'm relaxed.
• I'm warm.
• I'm naked.

(The last one, I'm not sure actually helps my thought process, but it does make me comfier.)

My Bed

My bed is where I come up with all my inane, crazy, creative ideas that inspire me to actually take action on something. While my most practical ideas happen in the shower, my best and most inspired ideas happen in those moments right before I go to sleep, or right when I wake up. Why?

• I am alone with my thoughts.
• There are no distractions.
• I feel safe.
• I'm relaxed.
• I'm warm.
• I'm naked.

But what perplexes me most is why the shower and bed have different affects on my cognition. You would think that since the list is identical, the shower and bed would have the same effect, but they definitely do not. I'm thinking it is the state of mind I am in more than where I am.

So, how would I make my office more similar to my favorite thinking zones?

Is that even a question? Obviously I need a bed and a shower in my office. Or better yet, I can just work from home, since just any bed won't be the same.

Or maybe I can find a way to replicate the sentiments of safety within my own office, which might be a more practical answer.

Lunch Break Confusion

Lunch used to be my time to get away from everything in the office and relax. It was my 45 minutes of sunshine. These two past weeks have turned that time into a time of confusion and struggles. Last week it was the stalker, as accounted in Why Can't you just Stick to Stalking Me Online, and this week it was autumn picking on me. I always take my lunch sitting outside at the picnic tables. However, it's rained and been cold every day this week, which poses a real problem for my routine.

On Monday, I was still wary that my stalker would be around, so my roommate brought her family to come eat lunch with me. By Tuesday, she was back working, so I needed to grow up and take lunch alone again. However, it was raining, so I decided just to eat in the office. I was surrounded by my work, so it wasn't relaxing in the least and I ended up working for the entirety of it. I went stir crazy by the end of the day, so I knew on Wednesday I'd need a new plan.

Since it was cold and raining, I knew sitting outside wasn't an option, so I left my office and ate in my car. I knew I needed to get out of the office, but I already had brought lunch, so i didn't have an excuse to go sit in a restaurant. So in my car in the parking garage I sat. It was weird, so I didn't want to do that again.

Thursday I decided to go pick up my birth control so I'd have a reason to leave for lunch. That excursion lasted all of 5 minutes, so I decided that maybe sitting in my car in a new location wouldn't be as bad. It wasn't AS bad, but still weird.

So here came Friday, where I ended up sitting in my car in yet another different parking lot. I don't want any businesses to think I'm creepy, so I'm trying to vary it up and park far away from the door. As I sit here, I wonder; what do people do for lunch breaks when they can't sit outside? My roommate goes to buy lunch everyday so she can sit inside, but I just don't see that fitting into my budget. There no lounge in my building. And staying at my desk for nine hours without reprieve makes me crazy. I miss in college when there were plenty of buildings you could sit in and wait around in without it being weird.

The only factor making me feel a little bit better about my car lunches is that there's a guy a few parking spots away also enjoying his car lunch. Here's to confusing lunchtimes!

My Experience with Lengthy Resumes

I used to help in the career and academic center in college and my favorite task was reviewing resumes. It's a really nerdy thing to love, but even now I throw myself at people writing resumes because I want to help them. Part of it is because it's fulfilling to help someone write a resume that will get them a job, and part of it is seeing how they interpret how to craft a resume. On the general whole, most young people don't know what to do on resumes. There are those that put nothing in their resume because they don't know what to put, and then there are those that have a 14 page resume.

Let that sink in.

14 pages.

She was a freshman in college too, so it's not like she was documenting her research qualifications and doctorate theses.

Not only did she have 14 pages, but she was emotionally attached to every page. To her credit, she was involved in a lot, but it got a bit ridiculous citing a D.A.R.E award from elementary school. When I suggested cutting out the dated information, it was like asking I was asking her to slaughter a puppy. I actually started to feel bad asking her if we could cut out her listing of participation awards.

What she didn't see what those 14 pages were making it difficult for anyone to ascertain the important aspects of her achievements. Essentially, she was a hoarder of information and it cluttered all the valuables to the point you didn't even know they were there. Instead of making it look like she was qualified, it made her look disorganized and desperate to prove herself.

After showing her what a one page resume looked like a highlighting the parts of her resume that I would keep, I sent her on her way and recommended bringing in her resume to an academic advisor after she fixed it up. A good ending to the story would be that she saw the light and brought in a one page resume, but I don't actually know that it ever happened like that.

I hope she did take my advice, but if not, I at least hope this memory is an inspiration to ensure that no resume you ever present to a potential employer resembles a novella.

Tweeting an Instagram Picture

I almost always tweet my Instagram pictures, but now I'm not so sure if I will anymore. I read this article from Mashable that said including pictures in your tweets leads to a retweet, UNLESS its an Instagram picture, which will be far less likely to be retweeted. (Here's the article I'm referencing: http://mashable.com/2013/10/07/retweet-photo/) Womp. Womp. Womp.

I learned that reusing content across platforms is a good way to gain milage on your content, but now I can't even use my Instagram pictures on Twitter, which is a basic standard I have been doing since I began using Instagram? I mean I get that it makes it obvious that I am reusing it, as well as having to open a new platform, but that seems like a pretty big difference to go from much more likely to be retweeted to significantly less likely to be retweeted.

Clearly this perplexes me, and makes me wonder: am I that lazy that I can't just use the internal picture setup in Twitter, and then go Instagram it? But then again, are people that lazy that opening an extra window rather than seeing it directly on Twitter is that much of a hassle?

I tried this morning to tweet a picture and then Instagram it, but it just feels so forced putting it on two places separately. Also, by the time I tweeted it, I already decided it wasn't important enough to need to be in two different networks. So maybe having to break up the instant tweet from Instagram will make me reconsider what content is truly important to share.

Or maybe I'll just continue to be lazy and stop caring if I get a retweet.

My First Time Interviewing Someone

I've been through lots of interviews where people have been asking me questions. From trying to get scholarships for school to getting jobs, I would say I've been interviewed at least 20 times. But I've never interviewed someone else before today. Never before have I been in the drivers seat with someone else's livelihood in my hands. And let me tell you, being the interviewer probably made me more nervous than the person I was interviewing. I wanted to ask good questions that allowed her to explain herself, yet difficult enough questions to reveal something about her.

It's a challenge finding a happy mix of tough and informative. Also, I don't want to be THAT person that you leave the interview room cursing under your breath because they were so tough. I can't tell you what she thought of me when she left, but she did end up getting the job, so apparently I did a good enough job interviewing her for my boss to learn about her and make a judgement call. So far she's been an asset to our projects and I've enjoyed her in the office.

Here is my favorite question I asked, why I asked it, and what I gleaned from it:

Have you encountered a time that you had a creative difference with a client or coworker, and how did you handle it? This question is essential for the field I am in, as well as the job she was applying for. We have creative differences all the time in my office, which is never a bad thing. We just are all creative people with unique ideas on how to solve the problem. I wanted someone that would say they would vocalize their ideas and work towards a way to use all of our creative ideas for the betterment of the project.

She didn't seem like one of those people that were rigid in their thinking and do not listen to creative solutions, so I liked her more.

I also think my interview was successful because I avoiding stupid cliche interview questions such as "What's your biggest weakness?" which guarantees that you'll get some bullshit answer that doesn't allow you to gain any insight into their character.

Here's hoping she's a good fit and I can pat myself on the back for interviewing and selecting a winner!

I'm Too Awkward to Network

Networking is one of those things that you HAVE to do if you want to get new clients, retain clients, meet new companies to work for, recruit people, and basically every other business essential. So, I go to networking events. And it never ends with me congratulating myself for a job well done in the car on my way home. Nope. It's always me shaking my head, wondering how this can possibly be helping my company. Here are three summaries of the networking events I have been to thus far in Richmond:

The first networking event I went to was after work in an area I did not know. I left work, only to realize that I had left too late to make it on time, so the entire time I was driving there I was having bad anxiety for being late. I show up late, only to realize that the start time was pretty lenient. So now I was that awkward person stress sweating in the corner over nothing. I spent the first few minutes mingling and making small talk. Then the speaker said it was time to start, but feel free to grab some appetizers since it was a casual event. So, I take that to mean that I should grab food.

I'm piling up my plate full of cheese, and then decide I want some grapes. Rather than walking around the table to grab the grapes, I just reach over, and BAM: knock over my full plate of cheese. So then I proceed to clean up all the cheese cubes off the floor, while the speaker is speaking. Once I am done, I decide to try again, since I am still hungry.

I get my cheese to my seat safely and devour it quickly to make the whole eating debacle end. The speaker ends and I am ready to get out. I've hit my limit on networking, so I make a B-line to the door. Naturally, I run into the speaker, who thanks me for coming and asks me if I had any questions. I froze on the spot. My mind was blank. Literally nothing was happening up in the barren wasteland of where my brain supposedly was.

"Thank you for the presentation! I was very interested in it," was all I managed as I stumbled back out onto the street. I kicked myself the whole way home for that one.

The second event I went to was a lot less traumatic. I went with a co-worker, so we stuck by each other and I created a lot less of a scene. I can't say this was a successful event since the only person I "networked" with was the woman I already worked with, but at least all the cheese stayed on the table this time.

The third event I went to gave me more social anxiety, as I knew I was going alone again. I literally had a nightmare the night before about what might go wrong. Regardless, I showed up, signed in, and went straight to the bathroom. It seemed like the place to go where being alone wasn't awkward. When I reemerged, I saw a friendly looking lady sitting in a corner alone. Naturally, that is where I wanted to go.

We chatted it up and exchanged business cards. It felt like I was actually networking properly this time. Then we go inside and I have some awkward dialogue with a few older men, and end up with a guy that decides to sit way too close to me. Beside the discomfort of someone within my personal bubble for the entire luncheon, there were only two awkward incidents at this event, which I will count as a victory.

My two awkward moments stem from asking these questions:

1. "What did you study to get a job like that?" On its face, it seems like a normal question, but I made an assumption that they went to school to study something, so there was a long awkward pause when it was admitted that she did not go to college. I tried playing it off, so hopefully it was only a little awkward.

2. "How long have you been in direct sales?" Again, I thought this seemed safe, but nay. This question went over like a lead balloon. The man cut his eyes to me and told me not to ask that. Apparently, men too have a complex when you ask them something that might indicate their age.

So maybe networking isn't my thing right now, but hopefully with a few more experience, I will walk away with more business contacts and less embarrassing stories to tell people.